Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own

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Some believe that if someone wants to bring
people
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from different
cultures
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and ages together,
music
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can be an excellent method. In my opinion, the lack of words allows
music
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to evoke the same emotion,
as well as
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the special instruments enable
people
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to learn about other
cultures
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,
although
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the stories behind
music
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may remind
people
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of awful memories.
Music
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shows emotions and thoughts through its tune, so civilians from different
cultures
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and ages can have similar feelings about it. The main cause of misunderstanding is that it is difficult to interpret things that came from another area
,
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because
people
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can not have a good grasp of other literature. But
music
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does not have
this
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problem--it illustrates itself by tune! So everyone who listens to it can have the same thought.
For instance
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, the Fate Symphony can inspire numerous citizens, whether they are from England or India. If
people
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have the same feelings, surely they will be brought together. Another advantage of
music
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is it gives
people
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chances to look closely at other
cultures
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and
finally
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, they will be familiar with each other and get together. Nearly every culture has its unique instruments and these instruments can
also
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contribute to touching
music
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. If one is fascinated by the
music
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which is created by a special instrument, he/she is likely to make an effort to learn more about
this
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instrument, and
then
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one will know more things about the instrument and its hometown's culture.
This
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will lead to a decrease in misunderstanding and bring
people
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together.
On the other hand
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,
music
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may be responsible for some anger. As a matter of fact,
music
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is always produced by something that can give inspiration to musicians.
For example
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, a song may be created to celebrate the win of a war.
However
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, the one who comes from British will not be satisfied with the song which aims to show off the win of France, and vice versa. He/she may be angry with
this
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and the crack between them will be deeper.
To sum up
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,
music
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may make some
people
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angry,
however
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, it can allow
people
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of different
cultures
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and ages to think
the
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similar things and gain insight into other countries.
Submitted by 2578922328 on

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Task Achievement
Thoroughly explore both sides of the argument but ensure to express your personal stance more distinctly. Your essay shows a balanced view but could benefit from a clearer expression of your personal opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of transition words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Language use
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and avoid repetition.
Task Achievement
Provided clear examples to support your arguments, enhancing the essay's persuasive power.
Task Achievement
Successfully addressed the prompt with relevant discussion on the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Maintained a logical structure, facilitating easy comprehension of your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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