Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own
Some believe that if someone wants to bring
people
from different cultures
and ages together, music
can be an excellent method. In my opinion, the lack of words allows music
to evoke the same emotion, as well as
the special instruments enable people
to learn about other cultures
, although
the stories behind music
may remind people
of awful memories.
Music
shows emotions and thoughts through its tune, so civilians from different cultures
and ages can have similar feelings about it. The main cause of misunderstanding is that it is difficult to interpret things that came from another area,
because Remove the comma
apply
people
can not have a good grasp of other literature. But music
does not have this
problem--it illustrates itself by tune! So everyone who listens to it can have the same thought. For instance
, the Fate Symphony can inspire numerous citizens, whether they are from England or India. If people
have the same feelings, surely they will be brought together.
Another advantage of music
is it gives people
chances to look closely at other cultures
and finally
, they will be familiar with each other and get together. Nearly every culture has its unique instruments and these instruments can also
contribute to touching music
. If one is fascinated by the music
which is created by a special instrument, he/she is likely to make an effort to learn more about this
instrument, and then
one will know more things about the instrument and its hometown's culture. This
will lead to a decrease in misunderstanding and bring people
together.
On the other hand
, music
may be responsible for some anger. As a matter of fact, music
is always produced by something that can give inspiration to musicians. For example
, a song may be created to celebrate the win of a war. However
, the one who comes from British will not be satisfied with the song which aims to show off the win of France, and vice versa. He/she may be angry with this
and the crack between them will be deeper.
To sum up
, music
may make some people
angry, however
, it can allow people
of different cultures
and ages to think the
similar things and gain insight into other countries.Correct article usage
apply
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Task Achievement
Thoroughly explore both sides of the argument but ensure to express your personal stance more distinctly. Your essay shows a balanced view but could benefit from a clearer expression of your personal opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a variety of transition words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Language use
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely and avoid repetition.
Task Achievement
Provided clear examples to support your arguments, enhancing the essay's persuasive power.
Task Achievement
Successfully addressed the prompt with relevant discussion on the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Maintained a logical structure, facilitating easy comprehension of your points.