IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Health care should not be provided for free regardless of a person’s income. The health of citizens is in their own hands and they should, therefore, be held accountable for that. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#health #care #person’s #income #citizens #hands
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The growing belief
on
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in
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 the
accessible
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accessibility
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 of
healthcare
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 systems has raised concerns, especially for those who assume that each person should be able to count on themselves regarding
health
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conditions
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, which eventually embarks an opinion that
people
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 should be
charges
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charged
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 if using the systems. I remarkably
disgaree
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disagree
disagreed
 with that notion, and
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss my reasons behind that position. Not every
people
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 has
privilege
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the privilege
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 to have access
in
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to
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 decent
health
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services
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. Take,
for example
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, the older
people
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 who live in rural areas where they are isolated from proper
healthcare
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 facilities and equipment. Obviously, they will need high
coverages
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coverage
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 to receive those treatments. Reflecting the
conditions
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 that they may not have any
saving
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savings
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 since they are unemployed, the responsibility to pay for the costs will be unbearable, which later can cause financial difficulties, resulting in higher
rate
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rates
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 of
debts
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debt
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.
Thus
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, it can be argued that it will negatively impact their economy in the long run.
Moreover
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, the policy to charge solely on citizens is
injustificable
Correct your spelling
unjustifiable
. Even though it is true that each person should be responsible for their own
health
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conditions
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, it is not the only factor that contributes to the necessity for accessing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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healthcare
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services
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. External factors
such
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 as air pollution,
virus
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viruses
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 and natural disasters are likely
contribute
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to contribute
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 to the healthiness level of citizens, which can be derived from the failure of programmes that should be established by municipalities in order to alleviate the risks of the given phenomena.
Hence
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, it can be said that local authorities should
also
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 take part
to fund
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in funding
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 the provision of
healthcare
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 systems to its citizens.
To conclude
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, I completely disagree with the sentiment that the costs for retrieving
healthcare
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services
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 should be solely
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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accounted
to
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for by
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public
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the public
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 since it is their responsibility.
Although
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 that statement
true
Add a missing verb
is true
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, the fact
health
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conditions
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 are
also
Linking Words
 influenced by external factors, and not every
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people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 an equal privilege to access
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health
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services
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support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
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 my view
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the given statement.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Task Response
Ensure you directly address all parts of the task prompt in both the introduction and conclusion. Clearly stating your position at the beginning will strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of linkers and cohesive devices to seamlessly connect ideas and paragraphs. While your essay is logically structured, varying your transitional phrases will enhance readability.
Task Achievement
Support your viewpoints with a broader range of examples and evidence. Incorporating more detailed instances will enrich your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've done well in organizing your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Response
Your essay effectively conveys your stance on the issue, offering a reasoned argument throughout.
Task Achievement
You successfully integrate examples to support your points, though more variety and detail could further strengthen your essay.
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