IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that new houses should be built in the same style as older houses in the local area. Others disagree and say that local authorities should allow people to build houses in the styles of their own choice. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #houses #style #area #authorities #styles #choice
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There are opposite views
whether
Change preposition
on whether
show examples
Use synonyms
house
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
 should be
build
Wrong verb form
built
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 based on certain rules or
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
 preferences.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views alongside
with
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apply
show examples
my own opinion on each notion. On the one hand,
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
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 design in order to match the tradition that has been carried locally. It can be seen through several traditional hamlets in Scotland, where
people
Use synonyms
 do not have
liberty
Add an article
the liberty
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 to build and design their accommodation based on modern trends. The maximum innovation that can be placed on each
house
Use synonyms
 is only the
opt
Replace the word
option
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 to put
small
Add an article
a small
the small
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 chimney on the roof, which can differentiate each
house
Use synonyms
. Based on the interview retrieved from The Guardian with one of the locals, they said that distinctive exterior designs
as well as
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 the building structures can potentially ruin and
threat
Replace the word
threaten
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 the images of the village that have been carried and nourished since
late
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the late
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 1900s, which want to be introduced to visitors;
therefore
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 local municipalities decide to issued local decree for villagers who want to reside in that area. Even though that condition can be a good opportunity to respect and introduce local traditions to outsiders, I believe that condition can hinder
people
Use synonyms
’s creativity.
On the other hand
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, the allowance to design
Use synonyms
house
Correct article usage
a house
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 based on personal preferences enables
people
Use synonyms
 to fulfill their own requirements. Generally, there are some family members
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 require particular innovations that should be taken into consideration when they want to build a
house
Use synonyms
. Imagine if someone cannot install a designated chair elevator for the mobility of the senior members
in
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of
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 their family
due to
Linking Words
 particular restrictions.
Consequently
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, it can deteriorate their physical functions and lower their immune system, since their movements are limited.
Therefore
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, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion because
Use synonyms
house
Add an article
the house
a house
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 can be seen as one of the prominent investments for
people
Use synonyms
 to heighten their health conditions. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 designing
Use synonyms
house
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
 based on particular styles can be a good opportunity to match the local tradition, I believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should have their own liberty to build their dream
house
Use synonyms
, as it can be adjusted to fulfill their personal requirements.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are well-developed and connect logically to provide a cohesive argument.
task achievement
Continue providing comprehensive ideas and relevant examples, but they could be even more detailed and varied to enhance the argument.
introduction conclusion present
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively bookend your discussion.
complete response
Your essay discusses both views and your own opinion as required by the task, which is excellent.
relevant specific examples
You successfully used examples, such as the traditional hamlets in Scotland, to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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