IELTS Writing Correction Service /
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Band 5.5

Some people think that water is the most important natural resource. Others believe that other resources (such as oil and gold) are more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #water #resource #resources #oil #gold
Nowadays, resources and supplies have a high value in the environment. Some argue that the
first
 place of sources belongs to
water
,
while
 other people believe there are more vital supplies like oil. In my perspective,
water
 is the main feature, existing in
this
 world.
Hence
, In
this
 essay, I will delve into both statements. On the one hand,
water
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
might be considered as a mother of nature. To clarify, it is
widly
Correct your spelling
widely
 accepted that flora and
fuana
Correct your spelling
fauna
 need
water
 to stay alive.
For instance
, many
first
 villages and
fram
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farm
 lands
located
Add a missing verb
were located
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 near rivers, lakes, and the sea in the past.
Furthermore
, most farmers need
water
 to plant and grow their products, necessary to use as
human's
Change noun form
human
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 food. Needless to say, any human
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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 to drink at least 7
glass
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glasses
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 of
water
 in a day
as well as
 other creatures
in
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on
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this
 planet.
As a result
,
human's
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humans
human
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survive
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survival
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is required
Wrong verb form
requires
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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water
 as the most important thing suppliment.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, other features like fuel, wind, and gold might be necessary in order to process and
development
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develop
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. Clearly, industry
need
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needs
show examples
first
 material to produce some
out-puts
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outputs
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 like vehicles, tools and more things,
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 help humans to do their tasks.
For example
, the
jewerelly
Correct your spelling
jewellery
 productions use gold to make beautiful ears and
necklesses
Correct your spelling
necklaces
neckless
 or stones are mostly required for building.
Moreover
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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transportation is another area,
independing
Correct your spelling
depending
in
Change preposition
on
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 these sources like wind and oil. Obviously, most ships are moved by wind and most
cars
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cars'
car's
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 motors work with fuel,
extrcating
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extracting
extricating
extraction
 by oil.
Consequently
, many contents are
cruial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 for technology development and
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the humans
show examples
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
show examples
 future. In conclusion,
while
 some individuals think
water
 is the
first
 priority of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
, others argue that there are many other important resources. In my view,
water
have
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has
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 been
first
Correct article usage
the first
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 supply to
keep
Verb problem
apply
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survive, despite the fact that other features can be effective
to improve
Change preposition
in improving
show examples
 quality of life.
Submitted by mahdisonbolestan on

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coherence cohesion
Be cautious with grammar and punctuation errors to improve clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Consider developing your examples further to strengthen your arguments and task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear differentiation between 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' to enhance contrast in viewpoints.
task achievement
Refine the use of vocabulary for precise expression, focusing on correct terminology (e.g., 'flora and fuana' should be 'flora and fauna').
coherence cohesion
Effective introduction of contrast in viewpoints on the importance of natural resources.
task achievement
Detailed exploration of both perspectives on the topic, demonstrating a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Well-structured essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
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