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Band 5.5

Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish. Why do you think this is happening? What can the government do to reduce the amount of waste produced?

#rubbish #government #amount #waste
With the
developing
Replace the word
development
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 of the current industry,there is more and more
rubbish
 produced by factories and families,I do believe
that is
 not a good phenomenon.For the reasons why
this
 is happening, I will discuss it from various visions as follows.
Firstly
Change the word
First
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 and foremost,
manufacture
Wrong verb form
manufacturing
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factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
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 and transportation.When we enjoy the benefits of advanced technology
as well as
 speedy transport tools, it's inevitable we need to tolerate the disadvantages
follow
Correct pronoun usage
that follow
show examples
 them.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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plastic
bag
Fix the agreement mistake
bags
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 would be left after we use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 to take something
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
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,
thus
,causing plastic pollution.
Similarly
,there would be numerous dioxide and other
toxical
Correct your spelling
toxic
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 gases since we humans
using
Wrong verb form
use
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 fossil energy to feed cars,planes or other machines.
Secondly
,lacking of dispensable material is another reason for the increase in garbage.Traditionally, citizens use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
concrete to build their houses which would cause multiple
constructional
Replace the word
construction
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litters
Fix the agreement mistake
litter
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 when they want to rebuild them since they don't have alternatives.
Last
 but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
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least,in most countries,there were
little
Correct quantifier usage
few
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 relative policies to limit it. For the government,on the one hand, it is undeniable that resisting the production of factory
rubbish
 benefits the environment
as well as
 human beings.In
this
 regard,a policy should be put on and we should make good use of it to realise its ultimate value,
such
 as
forbidden
Wrong verb form
forbidding
show examples
 the usage of
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
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 which
damages
Correct subject-verb agreement
damage
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to
Change preposition
apply
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the environment,
such
 as wooden chopsticks.
On the other hand
 ,they should give some
finance
Replace the word
financial
show examples
 support to fund the project of sustainable raw materials. With all the points above,
rubbish
 is a side-production of technology and family life and it is bad for the planet Earth.In
this
 regard,we should try our best to stop it and to reduce the production of
rubbish
.The government should devote sufficient funding to addressing it,and schools and families should work
further
 to improve the
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 of their children.
Submitted by 2762344380 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Be mindful of sentence structure and avoid run-on sentences to enhance clarity.
Lexical Resource
Consider incorporating a wider range of vocabulary to more precisely articulate your ideas.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
Review and carefully proofread your essay for any grammatical errors to improve accuracy.
Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on developing paragraphs with clear topic sentences followed by supporting details and examples.
Task Response
You've effectively addressed both aspects of the question, providing reasons for the increase in rubbish production and suggesting measures governments could take.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay's structure is clear with identifiable introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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