Many food and drink prodcuts contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary Products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

There are massive
products
contain
Correct pronoun usage
that contain
show examples
high-level of
sugars
Fix the agreement mistake
sugar
show examples
, and these
products
should be more
pricy
Correct word choice
expensive
show examples
because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
arises
Verb problem
cause
show examples
health issues,
as a result
,
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
usage will decrease.
This
essay essay will delve into why
sugar
products
should be expensive,
along with
related examples.
Firstly
, there are many health issues caused by cheaper and unhealthy
products
which usually contain high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
of
sugar
. If sugary
products
are expensive,
people
generally will not buy them.
This
is because the price
is often change
Change the verb form
often changes
show examples
customer behaviour, especially if it is expensive.
For example
, in Mongolia, fruits are expensive, apparently, not everyone
cannot
Rephrase
can
show examples
afford them.
Instead
of that most
people
consume fried dough which contains too much
sugar
.
Secondly
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
of
people
do not know about the drawbacks of using too
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
sweety
Correct your spelling
sweet
show examples
products
.
This
is because high-level
sugar
can lead to addiction,
such
as craving more and more
sugar
when human organs eat
sugar
. If individuals had
well
Add a missing verb
been well
show examples
awared
Correct your spelling
aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
it, most
people
would not have
comsumed
Correct your spelling
consumed
comsumed
Correct your spelling
consumed
consumer
products
.
For instance
,
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
generation has
becoming
Change the verb form
become
show examples
well understood the nutrition facts, as it is one part of
subject
Add an article
the subject
show examples
in the
secandary
Correct your spelling
secondary
school.
Consequently
,
youth
Correct article usage
the youth
show examples
generation
likely
Add a missing verb
is likely
show examples
to care
their
Change preposition
about their
show examples
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
being and fitness rather than
previous
Add an article
the previous
show examples
generation.
To conclude
, sugary
products
should be expensive, so that customer behaviour will change easily. Many
people
do not know about
negative
Add an article
the negative
show examples
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
of consuming high-level
sugar
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
so that increase awareness would be one of the important
approach
Fix the agreement mistake
approaches
show examples
, which has already
perceived
Add a missing verb
been perceived
show examples
within
Change preposition
by
show examples
the youths because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
secondary school started to teach
this
concept.
Submitted by zulzayanyamkhu on

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grammar
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structure
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vocabulary
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examples
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structure
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which is good practice for essay writing.
argument
Your essay provides clear arguments for your position, directly addressing the essay prompt.
examples
You've used real-world examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay.

Your opinion

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