IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many food and drink prodcuts contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary Products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

There are massive
products
Use synonyms
contain
Correct pronoun usage
that contain
show examples
 high-level of
sugars
Fix the agreement mistake
sugar
show examples
, and these
products
Use synonyms
 should be more
pricy
Correct word choice
expensive
show examples
 because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
arises
Verb problem
cause
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 health issues,
as a result
Linking Words
,
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 usage will decrease.
This
Linking Words
 essay essay will delve into why
sugar
Use synonyms
products
Use synonyms
 should be expensive,
along with
Linking Words
 related examples.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are many health issues caused by cheaper and unhealthy
products
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 which usually contain high
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of
sugar
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. If sugary
products
Use synonyms
 are expensive,
people
Use synonyms
 generally will not buy them.
This
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 is because the price
is often change
Change the verb form
often changes
show examples
 customer behaviour, especially if it is expensive.
For example
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, in Mongolia, fruits are expensive, apparently, not everyone
cannot
Rephrase
can
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 afford them.
Instead
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 of that most
people
Use synonyms
 consume fried dough which contains too much
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
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,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 do not know about the drawbacks of using too
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
sweety
Correct your spelling
sweet
show examples
products
Use synonyms
.
This
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 is because high-level
sugar
Use synonyms
 can lead to addiction,
such
Linking Words
 as craving more and more
sugar
Use synonyms
 when human organs eat
sugar
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. If individuals had
well
Add a missing verb
been well
show examples
awared
Correct your spelling
aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 it, most
people
Use synonyms
 would not have
comsumed
Correct your spelling
consumed
comsumed
Correct your spelling
consumed
consumer
products
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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,
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 generation has
becoming
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 well understood the nutrition facts, as it is one part of
subject
Add an article
the subject
show examples
 in the
secandary
Correct your spelling
secondary
 school.
Consequently
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,
youth
Correct article usage
the youth
show examples
 generation
likely
Add a missing verb
is likely
show examples
 to care
their
Change preposition
about their
show examples
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 being and fitness rather than
previous
Add an article
the previous
show examples
 generation.
To conclude
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, sugary
products
Use synonyms
 should be expensive, so that customer behaviour will change easily. Many
people
Use synonyms
 do not know about
negative
Add an article
the negative
show examples
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 of consuming high-level
sugar
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that increase awareness would be one of the important
approach
Fix the agreement mistake
approaches
show examples
, which has already
perceived
Add a missing verb
been perceived
show examples
within
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the youths because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
secondary school started to teach
this
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 concept.

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grammar
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct typographical errors and improve readability.
structure
Consider organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with distinct introductions, body sections, and conclusions to improve structure.
vocabulary
Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the complexity of your writing.
examples
Provide more diverse and specific examples to strongly support your points.
structure
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which is good practice for essay writing.
argument
Your essay provides clear arguments for your position, directly addressing the essay prompt.
examples
You've used real-world examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar tax
  • sin taxes
  • public health
  • consumption
  • health risks
  • pricing strategy
  • reformulate
  • cost-effective alternatives
  • awareness campaigns
  • nutritional education
What to do next:
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