IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that manufactures and shopping malls should sell fewer packagaed products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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A
thouhght
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thought
 of having less packaged products has become increasingly common. Certain individuals believe that sellers of
such
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items
Use synonyms
 are responsible
whereas
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 others opine that consumers should be considerate of using less packaged goods.
This
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 essay intends to shed light on both views and I have a divided opinion.
To Begin
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 with, many wonderful facets are associated with the fact that selling lees packaged
items
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 is
duty
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the duty
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 of
merchant
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the merchant
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. The dominant is
,
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apply
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 brand image and getting
repetative
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repetitive
custumers
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customers
. To be more specific, buyers who are
concered
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concerned
 about the impacts of excessive packing on the health and environment will
incline
Wrong verb form
be inclined
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 towards the brands promoting the same.
Therefore
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, clients will stick to the company for
long-term
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a long time
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 and
also
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 will promote the brand by word of mouth.For
an
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apply
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instanace
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instance
, skin care manufacturers like Mama Earth and Derma
co
Capitalize word
Co
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. encourage the concept of less packaging
as a result
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 these companies have
highest
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the highest
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 number of
repurchasing
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repurchases
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 in the country.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
,
this
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 can help the vendors to do cost saving. Precisely, when the manufacturers have to spend
lesser
Correct word choice
fewer
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 resources on packing, they could invest the money into other sectors like marketing or enhancing the quality of the
items
Use synonyms
. Eventually,
lesser
Correct word choice
less
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 focus on product packaging can work in favour of the seller.
On the other hand
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,
accountability
Correct article usage
the accountability
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 of customers in lowering the purchase of packed commodities can
also
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 not be overlooked. The contributing factor is environmental concerns. To elaborate,
when
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the
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 demand
of
Change preposition
for
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such
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 articles gets reduced by the public
due to
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 its adverse consequences not only on surging
the
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apply
show examples
waste production
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
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 wastage of energy resources to produce packaging articles. The companies will
lesser
Correct word choice
place fewer
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items
Use synonyms
 in packing.
Besides
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, lesser usage of packed products is
also
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benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 for good health. To exaggerate, mostly plastic is used in the packaging of products.
Due to
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,
carcinogenic
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the carcinogenic
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 nature of
the
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apply
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plastic it must be avoided at
al
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all
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 costs.
As a result
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, buyers have to be conscious that packed
items
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 are neither ideal for health nor for the environment.
To conclude
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, I am inclined to believe that purchasing mindfully by
the
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apply
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customers can be
plausible
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a plausible
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 factor in
reduction
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the reduction
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 of packaged
items
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, but
participation
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the participation
a participation
show examples
 of sellers is
also
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 not ignorable. I reiterate both
view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
 are justifiable.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure all primary ideas are clearly separated and developed. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, ensuring clarity and ease of understanding.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining the transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Smooth transitions help guide the reader through the argument more effectively, enhancing cohesion.
task achievement
Pay attention to spelling, punctuation, and grammatical accuracy to enhance the overall quality and understanding of your essay.
task achievement
Engage with the prompt more directly in your conclusion. Reiterating your stance clearly helps to reinforce your argument and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.
task achievement
Continue to provide specific examples to support your points. These details add depth and persuasiveness to your argument.
task achievement
You have effectively discussed both views on the issue of packaged products, providing a well-balanced analysis.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, clearly setting up your essay and summarising your main points effectively.
task achievement
You've used specific examples, such as Mama Earth and Derma co., to support your points, demonstrating effective use of evidence in your argument.
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