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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of using art in order to help people with emotional and physical conditions?

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Nowadays an increasing number of people tend to suffer from physical and mental illnesses. In
this
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 essay, I am going to discuss
pros
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the pros
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 and cons of art therapy as a treatment. Some of the most well-known benefits of art treatment are reducing emotional conflicts, raising self-esteem, exploring emotions, and improving social skills. It is a holistic discipline that allows people to experience new
way
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ways
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 of usual routines and deepen into themselves.
According to
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 a BBC news article, painting helps to lower the level of stress significantly and doing it on a regular basis develops fresh neural connections, which eventually makes a positive outcome on the health condition. Another riveting fact that was observed among a large group of dancers, they are more likely to stay in shape rather than those who do not dance.
Thus
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, it provides not only mental relaxation but
also
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 socializing
within
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with
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 others from the dance class, better muscle rate in
body
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the body
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 and,
finally
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, confidence.
On the contrary
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, some people might argue
aforementioned
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the aforementioned
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 statement and find downsides. Personally, I believe the most negative outcome of crafting is
excessive
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the excessive
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producing
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production
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 of hobby appliances. The planet is endangered in terms of garbage pollution and greenhouse gases. It is vital to recycle used materials in order to combat climate change and global warming.
Moreover
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, some artists could go through a quite challenging process of mastering their hobby into a real job. It might be frustrating and
energy consuming
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energy-consuming
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,
however
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, if a person puts
enough
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in enough
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 effort, they will definitely succeed.
To sum up
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, artwork has plenty of profits because it improves health
condition
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conditions
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, raises confidence and helps with inner distress,
while
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 others believe that craftwork affects the environment badly and involves new
coming
Verb problem
apply
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entrepreneurs
into
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in
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 a tough business, which causes various challenges on their way.

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coherence
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to maintain clarity throughout.
cohesion
Try to make smoother transitions between paragraphs for better cohesion.
task achievement
Include a wider variety of examples to fully illustrate your points and enhance task achievement.
structure
Efficiently introduced and concluded the essay, providing clear boundaries for discussion.
task response
Presented a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages, effectively covering the task requirements.
example use
Made good use of specific examples, like the BBC news article and observations about dancers, to support your points.
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