IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

"prevention is better than cure". out of country's health budget a large proportion should be deverted from treatment in spending on health education and prevention measures.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statment.

Nowadays an increasing number of people opt to obtain a university degree in a different region
instead
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 of staying in their hometowns and living with parents during studies.
This
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 choice has a number of benefits and drawbacks, which will be discussed in
this
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 essay. An opportunity to study in a different city or even a country offers various advantages. First of all, moving out for studies is considered as a perfect way of separation from parents.
For instance
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,
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States National Institute of Health stipulates that in spite of
painful
Correct article usage
the painful
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feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
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 a child might have, it is better to smoothly proceed to separate from caretakers at a young age starting from 18 years old.
Moreover
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, it is the age of graduation from school in a number of countries, which is why it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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high time to decide whether to apply for a local higher education facility or try more challenging options. I believe that there are plenty of positive reasons. If a person travels for learning, they experience living in a new country,
culture
Correct word choice
and culture
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, make international friends and see popular
sightseeings
Fix the agreement mistake
sightseeing
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.
In addition
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, another
pros
Fix the agreement mistake
pro
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 is receiving a proper degree from
top-ranked
Correct article usage
a top-ranked
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 foreign high school and
meet
Wrong verb form
meeting
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 notorious professors all over the world.
On the contrary
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, some obstacles could be experienced. Despite the appealing features, young people who have never been far away from
the
Change the word
their
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 hometowns face severe difficulties
such
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 as governmental bureaucracy,
higher
Correct word choice
and higher
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 expenses for accommodation, food and travelling there. They might feel lonely and miss their close relatives and friends as well.
To sum up
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, more and more apprentices strive to receive a higher degree at a foreign university. Personally, I think that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 of studying abroad outweigh the disadvantages
due to
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following
Correct article usage
the following
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 reasons:
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 truly independent, new culture, language and place of living and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 friends from around the world.

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coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your essay more effectively by clearly dividing it into paragraphs that transition smoothly from one idea to the next. This will enhance the readability and flow of your essay.
task achievement
Develop your arguments further by providing more detailed examples and explanations. This will strengthen your essay by giving your reasoning more depth.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity, vary your sentence structure and use transitional phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs. This will make your argumentation more persuasive and engaging for the reader.
task achievement
You effectively introduce the topic and provide a thesis statement that clearly presents your view on the benefits and drawbacks of studying abroad.
task achievement
You effectively use specific examples to support your points, such as referring to the United States National Institute of Health to bolster your argument on the benefits of moving out for studies.
task achievement
Your conclusion successfully summarizes the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad, reinforcing your stance that the benefits outweigh the disadvantages.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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