IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Writing task 2 (an essay) Nowadays, many people spend their free time watching movies. Why do they do that? Is it a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #time #movies #development
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There are several examples is
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
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is
Correct your spelling
as
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 something
like
Correct word choice
apply
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to do when
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
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 free time ,one of these is watching
movie
Add an article
a movie
the movie
show examples
. many
people
 prefer to watch
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 in
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
due to
 luxurious conditions and other reasons.
Furthermore
, depending on who is sharing their moments friends or family. Currently, watching
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
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 has many benefits to
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 and positive sides. One of these advantages gathering with favorite
people
. Hang out with friends and family is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one of the best ways to make strong
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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between
Change preposition
with
show examples
 your surrounding community by sharing moments with them .
Moreover
 , spend time together
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 with relatives.
Furthermore
 ,
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of thinking,
watching
Correct word choice
and watching
show examples
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 make the way of mind to be open to think out of the box . There are many movies are
discussing
Wrong verb form
discuss
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 issues to drive the main idea to
people
 to avoid or contribute to
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
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 risks of the
globe
Replace the word
global
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 problems.
Finally
 , watching
movie
Add an article
the movie
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 have many advantages to make
people
 feel better and
in
Change preposition
at
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same
Add an article
the same
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 time make them understand more about what
happened
Wrong verb form
is happening
show examples
 around them
Submitted by s116656m on

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Writing Style
Try to use varied sentence structures to improve readability and effectiveness of your argument.
Evidence Use
Provide more concrete examples to support your points. Personal anecdotes or statistical evidence would enhance your arguments.
Argument Clarity
Clarify your thesis statement in the introduction for a stronger position on whether you believe the development is positive or negative.
Cohesion & Coherence
Work on making your points more distinct and avoid repetition. Each paragraph should introduce a new idea or example.
Content
You've covered both sides of the argument, discussing both the benefits of watching movies and implying concerns.
Creativity
Good effort in trying to connect watching movies to broader societal effects like improved relationships and global awareness.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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