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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts below show the marital status of the populations of Canada and Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two pie charts below show the marital status of the populations of Canada and Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts compare the
statistic
Replace the word
statistical
show examples
 information about the marital status of Canada and Australia.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is obvious that there is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
same sex
Add a hyphen
same-sex
show examples
 marriage in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of the population in both nations have
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 trends in common. Married and separated
takes
Correct subject-verb agreement
take
show examples
 most of the proportions, whilst, widowed, divorced and
never married
Verb problem
never-married
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 ones usually
hits
Wrong verb form
hit
show examples
 rock bottom. Just over 80% of people in Canada are
whether
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
married or separated, at 53% and 29% respectively. After that,
proportions
Correct article usage
the proportions
show examples
 of people who are never married and widowed are equal at 7%.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
same sex
Add a hyphen
same-sex
show examples
 marriage takes up to 3%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 that chart. Eventually, only 1% of all Canadians are registered as divorced. Following the same trend,
sum
Correct article usage
the sum
show examples
 percentage of married and separated people
fills
Verb problem
is
show examples
 87%, each being at 41% and 47%. Followed by 5% of single and 6% of widows.
Finally
Linking Words
, 2% of
Correct article usage
the populations
show examples
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
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 are divorced
in
Change preposition
at
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 some point
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their lives.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • marital status
  • population
  • pie charts
  • percentage
  • categories
  • Married
  • Single
  • Divorced
  • Widowed
  • distribution
  • noticeable trends
  • comparison
  • significantly different
  • similarities
  • striking differences
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