Some people believe that mobile phone conversations should be banned in crowded and social places, while others argue it is okay to be allowed. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Today, there is an argument between
people
who have a
faith in not using Remove the article
apply
cellphones
in public areas and Correct your spelling
cell phones
people
who think that this
case is not a serious problem and it should be permitted. This
essay agrees that having probation for conversation
via digital gadgets in public places
should be taking
into account.
On the one hand, the vast majority of Change the form of the verb
taken
people
in a
society Correct article usage
apply
are
agree that speaking with the phone in crowded Unnecessary verb
apply
places
should be banned. These days most of
Change preposition
apply
people
have a cellphone
which has an undeniable role in our daily life, Correct your spelling
cell phone
while
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
is
a sociable and Verb problem
apply
needs
to have Correct subject-verb agreement
need
in person
Add a hyphen
in-person
conversation
rather than virtual Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
one
. So, when a lot of Correct pronoun usage
ones
people
in a small place are starting
to talk on mobile phones, not only noise pollution will be raised but Wrong verb form
start
also
the distance between two
companies will be raised too. Correct article usage
the two
For instance
, because of improvement
in new technologies and new smartphones, the rate of divorces between 2018 and 2019 is 60% higher in comparison to 2001 and 2002.
Fix the agreement mistake
improvements
On the other hand
, having a public discussion with someone by smart gadgets is preferable by
some Change preposition
for
people
. There is a concept that is
believed, a
lot of our daily tasks, including minor things, are Correct word choice
that a
depended
Replace the word
dependent
to
new technologies. So, Change preposition
on
people
should be allowed to use their smartphones wherever they want. However
, by rising a
noise pollution in public areas, some Remove the article
apply
person
can have physical or mental problems. Fix the agreement mistake
people
As a consequence
, facing these circumstances could be dangerous mentally and physically for them. For example
, when a person is suffering from anxiety, it is not preferable for him to be a
crowded place where everyone Change preposition
in a
speak
in Change the verb form
speaks
high
pitch.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
a high
these day
Change the determiner
this day
these days
by
emerging Change preposition
with
the
cutting-edge technologies, Correct article usage
apply
people
have an argument about using telephone
in public Add an article
the telephone
a telephone
place
or Fix the agreement mistake
places
it
should be stopped. SinceCorrect word choice
whether it
,
having Remove the comma
apply
conversation
in public Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
places
can bring noise, it is vital to not having
Wrong verb form
have
conversation
with phones in public Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
places
.Submitted by ramtin.n1374 on
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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Introduce your topic and opinion in the introduction and summarize them again in the conclusion for clarity.
content
Develop your main ideas with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your argument. Adding specific details and evidence can make your points more convincing.
expression
Work on varying your sentence structures and using a range of transition words to improve the flow of your essay.
grammar
Pay attention to verb tense consistency and proper use of articles ('a', 'an', 'the'). Reviewing grammar rules can help improve your writing.
task response
You've effectively discussed both views as the task asked, and provided a clear stance in your conclusion.
structure
Your essay topic is relevant and you have organized your ideas into paragraphs, which is good for readability.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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