IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that mobile phone conversations should be banned in crowded and social places, while others argue it is okay to be allowed. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #phone #conversations #places
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Today, there is an argument between
people
Use synonyms
 who have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
faith in not using
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
 in public areas and
people
Use synonyms
 who think that
this
Linking Words
 case is not a serious problem and it should be permitted.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees that having probation for
conversation
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 via digital gadgets in public
places
Use synonyms
 should be
taking
Change the form of the verb
taken
show examples
 into account. On the one hand, the vast majority of
people
Use synonyms
 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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agree that speaking with the phone in crowded
places
Use synonyms
 should be banned. These days most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have a
cellphone
Correct your spelling
cell phone
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 which has an undeniable role in our daily life,
while
Linking Words
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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is
Verb problem
apply
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a sociable and
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 to have
in person
Add a hyphen
in-person
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Use synonyms
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
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 rather than virtual
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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. So, when a lot of
people
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 in a small place
are starting
Wrong verb form
start
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 to talk on mobile phones, not only noise pollution will be raised but
also
Linking Words
 the distance between
two
Correct article usage
the two
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 companies will be raised too.
For instance
Linking Words
, because of
improvement
Fix the agreement mistake
improvements
show examples
 in new technologies and new smartphones, the rate of divorces between 2018 and 2019 is 60% higher in comparison to 2001 and 2002.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, having a public discussion with someone by smart gadgets is preferable
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
. There is a concept
that is
Linking Words
 believed,
a
Correct word choice
that a
show examples
lot of our daily tasks, including minor things, are
depended
Replace the word
dependent
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to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 new technologies. So,
people
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to use their smartphones wherever they want.
However
Linking Words
, by rising
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
noise pollution in public areas, some
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 can have physical or mental problems.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, facing these circumstances could be dangerous mentally and physically for them.
For example
Linking Words
, when a person is suffering from anxiety, it is not preferable for him to be
a
Change preposition
in a
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crowded place where everyone
speak
Change the verb form
speaks
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 in
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 pitch. In conclusion,
these day
Change the determiner
this day
these days
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by
Change preposition
with
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 emerging
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cutting-edge technologies,
people
Use synonyms
 have an argument about using
telephone
Add an article
the telephone
a telephone
show examples
 in public
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 or
it
Correct word choice
whether it
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 should be stopped. Since
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 having
Use synonyms
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
show examples
 in public
places
Use synonyms
 can bring noise, it is vital to not
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
Use synonyms
conversation
Fix the agreement mistake
conversations
show examples
 with phones in public
places
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ramtin.n1374 on

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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Introduce your topic and opinion in the introduction and summarize them again in the conclusion for clarity.
content
Develop your main ideas with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your argument. Adding specific details and evidence can make your points more convincing.
expression
Work on varying your sentence structures and using a range of transition words to improve the flow of your essay.
grammar
Pay attention to verb tense consistency and proper use of articles ('a', 'an', 'the'). Reviewing grammar rules can help improve your writing.
task response
You've effectively discussed both views as the task asked, and provided a clear stance in your conclusion.
structure
Your essay topic is relevant and you have organized your ideas into paragraphs, which is good for readability.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Disrupt
  • Infringe
  • Social rudeness
  • Public transport
  • Necessity
  • Convenience
  • Emergencies
  • Personal freedom
  • Designated areas
  • Compromise
  • Context
  • Advocating
What to do next:
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