The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

#show #sales #sectors #zealand

The pie charts compare the average online

sales

for retail sectors in New

Zealand

in 2003 and 2013.

Overall

it is clear that

in 2003 the largest online

sales

were in the travel sector.

However

,in 2013 it was

film

and

music

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

in 2003, the lowest online

sales

In New

Zealand

were

film

music

On the contrary

in 2013,it was clothes. As the pie charts show, in 2003, the highest online

sales

were in travel at 36% in New

Zealand

among

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

all retail sectors.

In contrast

, the lowest figure in online

sales

was the books sector at 19% in New

Zealand

Additionally

,the rate of clothes and

film

music

were almost the same. Regarding 2013 online

sales

, the largest was

film

music

at 33% in New

Zealand

However

, the smallest retail sector was clothes at 16% in New

Zealand

.Meanwhile , the rates of travel and books were at 29% and 22% respectively.

Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on Thu Apr 04 2024

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, zealand, film, music with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

150 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Comparative analysis
E-commerce
Retail sectors
Growth rate
Decade
Decline
Trends
Online transactions
Consumer behavior
Market share
Significant increase/decrease
Digital era
Accessibility
User-friendly platform
Market dynamics
Predictive outlook

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The pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think paying taxes is a big enough contribution to their society, while others think people have more responsibilities as members of society than only paying taxes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

University students should pay all the costs of their studies because university education benefits individuals more than it benefits society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Many parents put a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. To what extent do you agree?

In recent years a large number of highly skilled professionals like doctors, engineers and IT professionals from poorer countries are migrating to developed countries for better-paying jobs. What are the possible problems of this and what solutions can you suggest to deal with this issue?