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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? what solutions can you suggest?

#students #work #results #time #education #pressure
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In today’s brutal environment, some pupils work
beside of
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 their
education
,
this
 action often leads to a lack of time and
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling
show examples
 of high pressure
for studying
Change preposition
to study
show examples
. The following essay is going to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
its causes and propose helpful solutions to deal with
this
 problem. First of all, one of the main reasons that leads students to work is
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
 burden of
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
education
, which in families with lower financial ability,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 issue. These youngsters usually go over their
limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
show examples
 to secure themselves a promising, successful ,bright future. In fact, Some of them even set unattainable goals,
for example
, being a
high paid
Add a hyphen
high-paid
show examples
 employee or manager so they could pay money to their families. To solve
this
 puzzle,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 have to make some serious changes to make
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
 academic
education
 easier.
Firstly
, institutions can mitigate the price of courses or at least offer some conditions
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which reduce the pressure from the families.
Secondly
, managers can implement flexible working hours for collegians so they can concentrate more on their educations. In conclusion, by running some beneficial programs, organizations can help these pupils to a better
academical
Replace the word
academic
show examples
education
 where each one of them can compete in an equal condition to achieve anything they want without doubting, concerning or getting worried about their future work field.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples and evidence to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and make it more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the sophistication of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Revisit the structure of your essay to ensure each paragraph clearly supports a single main idea. Transition words can help clarify the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear thesis statement and a well-structured introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You successfully address all parts of the task, providing reasons and solutions for the issue at hand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial necessity
  • Tuition
  • Living costs
  • Employability
  • Work experience
  • Under pressure
  • Mismanagement
  • Time-management
  • Academic pursuits
  • Flexible part-time study
  • Financial aid
  • Scholarships
  • Bursaries
  • Collaboration
  • Integrated programs
  • Education
  • Work-life balance
What to do next:
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