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Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar , which causes many health problems.Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
Some manufactured
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
 and drinks include high levels of
sugar
 and it
influence
Change the verb form
influences
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to
Change preposition
apply
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people
 with several
health
 problems.Some
people
 argue that sugary
products cost
Fix the agreement mistake
product costs
show examples
 should
be increase
Change the verb form
be increased
show examples
 in order to lead
people
 to consume less
sugar
 routine.I completely disagree
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because
that is
 not
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best solution for
decrease
Change the verb form
decreasing
show examples
 the
consumers
Replace the word
consumption
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 of
sugar
.I will discuss in
this
 essay some answers to
this
 topic. On the one hand , indeed at the moment some
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
 and
drink
Correct subject-verb agreement
drinks
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producing with
Wrong verb form
produce
show examples
 high levels of
sugar
to
Change preposition
for
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people
 and have a lot
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of
show examples
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
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of
Change preposition
for
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this
.In that case , we must reveal and educate the consequences
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
health
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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instead
 of increasing
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
.
Accordingly
Add a comma
Accordingly,
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 they will realize their body's
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
organs may stuck into some expensive curing.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
this
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
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 of work
carry
Wrong verb form
is carried
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 out by giving
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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 to TV channels and sticking some posters
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the street walls.In
additionally
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addition
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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doctors have a big role
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that because
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 need to explain to
people
 by
telling
Verb problem
saying
show examples
 "
it
Capitalize word
It
show examples
 is
harmful
Add an article
the harmful
a harmful
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 thing if you eat a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 sugary
food
 than the normal measurement".
On the other hand
 , from my perspective additional way
preventing
Change the verb form
to prevent
show examples
people
 from eating too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
products
 which is
included
Wrong verb form
include
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugary
element
Fix the agreement mistake
elements
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,
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
while
 the
producing
Replace the word
production
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 process we must label the " it is not for diabetes sugary
people
" words , with that
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 we may able to earn to reduce the
health
 issues of
people
 or consumers figure.
In contrast
 to
this
 , after producing
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 types of
food
 and drink all store's customers service need to
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
 alternative
products
for example
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fresh water
Correct your spelling
freshwater
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, unsweetened beverages and
natural
Change the word
naturally
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 useful fruits.
To conclude
, many
people
 believe putting expensive
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 on sugary
products
 will prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
consuming too much and help to reduce the
health
 issues.
However
,
that is
 not
best
Add an article
the best
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 way because wealthy
people
 certainly can afford to buy it.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Structure
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Clarity
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Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and make your argument more cohesive.
Support
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Accuracy
Pay attention to your grammar and vocabulary to express your ideas more accurately and enhance the readability of your essay.
Engagement
You engage with the topic and present a clear stance on the issue.
Critical Thinking
You make an effort to offer alternative solutions to the problem, showing critical thinking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
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