IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar , which causes many health problems.Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some manufactured
Use synonyms
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
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 and drinks include high levels of
sugar
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 and it
influence
Change the verb form
influences
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to
Change preposition
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 with several
health
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 problems.Some
people
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 argue that sugary
Use synonyms
products cost
Fix the agreement mistake
product costs
show examples
 should
be increase
Change the verb form
be increased
show examples
 in order to lead
people
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 to consume less
sugar
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 routine.I completely disagree
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because
that is
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 not
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best solution for
decrease
Change the verb form
decreasing
show examples
 the
consumers
Replace the word
consumption
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 of
sugar
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.I will discuss in
this
Linking Words
 essay some answers to
this
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 topic. On the one hand , indeed at the moment some
Use synonyms
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
 and
drink
Correct subject-verb agreement
drinks
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producing with
Wrong verb form
produce
show examples
 high levels of
sugar
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 and have a lot
Change preposition
of
show examples
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
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of
Change preposition
for
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this
Linking Words
.In that case , we must reveal and educate the consequences
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
health
Use synonyms
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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instead
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 of increasing
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
.
Linking Words
Accordingly
Add a comma
Accordingly,
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 they will realize their body's
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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organs may stuck into some expensive curing.
For
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instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
this
Linking Words
types
Fix the agreement mistake
type
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 of work
carry
Wrong verb form
is carried
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 out by giving
advertisement
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advertisements
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 to TV channels and sticking some posters
to
Change preposition
on
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 the street walls.In
Linking Words
additionally
Replace the word
addition
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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doctors have a big role
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that because
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 need to explain to
people
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 by
telling
Verb problem
saying
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 "
it
Capitalize word
It
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 is
harmful
Add an article
the harmful
a harmful
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 thing if you eat a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 sugary
food
Use synonyms
 than the normal measurement".
On the other hand
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 , from my perspective additional way
preventing
Change the verb form
to prevent
show examples
people
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 from eating too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 which is
included
Wrong verb form
include
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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sugary
element
Fix the agreement mistake
elements
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,
Correct word choice
apply
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while
Linking Words
 the
producing
Replace the word
production
show examples
 process we must label the " it is not for diabetes sugary
people
Use synonyms
" words , with that
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 we may able to earn to reduce the
health
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 issues of
people
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 or consumers figure.
In contrast
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 to
this
Linking Words
 , after producing
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 types of
food
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 and drink all store's customers service need to
advice
Replace the word
advise
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 alternative
products
Use synonyms
for example
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fresh water
Correct your spelling
freshwater
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, unsweetened beverages and
natural
Change the word
naturally
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 useful fruits.
To conclude
Linking Words
, many
people
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 believe putting expensive
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 on sugary
products
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 will prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
consuming too much and help to reduce the
health
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 issues.
However
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,
that is
Linking Words
 not
best
Add an article
the best
show examples
 way because wealthy
people
Use synonyms
 certainly can afford to buy it.
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Structure
Try to present your ideas in a more structured way, with clear paragraphs for the introduction, each main argument, and the conclusion.
Clarity
Work on developing clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your arguments.
Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and make your argument more cohesive.
Support
Include more specific examples and evidence to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
Accuracy
Pay attention to your grammar and vocabulary to express your ideas more accurately and enhance the readability of your essay.
Engagement
You engage with the topic and present a clear stance on the issue.
Critical Thinking
You make an effort to offer alternative solutions to the problem, showing critical thinking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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