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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Robots and artificial intelligence are being developed to replace humans in the work place. Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a negative or positive impact on society?

#robots #intelligence #humans #work #place #impact #society
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The development of technological devices with their minds is creating several workers
instead
 of people in factories.
This
 writer believes that it is positive in
this
 digital era
due to
 the demand of consumers and a high standard lifestyle. It must be understood that mass production with high character is necessary because of the large income of
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the
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population and serious competition between businesses.
Therefore
robots
 and artificial intelligence are very useful tools to upgrade and increase the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of products because that technology can work with out any mistakes and fees
while
 human workers need to be paid salaries. Controlling
robots
 is
also
 easier than a large team of people, managers just make programs for those computers or recruit several digital professionals for that field.
Consequently
, machines with smart minds
and
Correct word choice
that
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 work effectively are replacing humans to improve
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of life. Another argument worth considering
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 benefits of artificial intelligence can bring to consumers and society.
Due to
 high requirements for health, beauty and quality of all kinds of products,
robots
 are able to satisfy
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 with the perfect properties.
Additionally
, customers are
also
 happier and feel that their spending is deserved and companies can sell more leading to stronger finance in a region or a country.
As a result
, the appearance of
robots
 and artificial intelligence is significant to improve the life quality of citizens. In conclusion, developed countries have the idea that updating the features of
robots
 will turn into the main reason for unemployment.
Thus
,
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 should use it in the right way and prevent them from depending on it too much.
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Sentence Structure
Try to use clear and varied sentence structures to improve readability and coherence.
Supporting Examples
Use specific examples to support your arguments more clearly, adding depth and clarity to your essay.
Introduction and Conclusion
For a stronger introduction and conclusion, make your thesis statement more direct and clear.
Content
You've provided a thoughtful discussion on the impact of robotics and AI in the workplace, considering both production efficiency and consumer satisfaction.
Structure
You have a good understanding of the essay structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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