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Band 5.5

Some high schools have a requirement that students must complete a certain amount of volunteer work in order to graduate. What do you think about this type of requirement? Give details to support your opinion.

#schools #requirement #students #amount #volunteer #work #graduate #type #support
Attachment is what other schools require for
students
 to graduate which will be voluntary
work
 as
one
 will not be paid. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
this
 requirement is a necessary evil as it equips
students
 for the future. More details will be alluded
below
Change preposition
to below
show examples
. Volunteer
work
 is very important to
students
 for them to complete their studies as they will be helped attain the skill. Volunteer
work
 means a
student
 will be trained
while
 working but not being paid and the truth is what
one
 is taught in school theoretically needs to be practised before it is offered for payment in the world. A
proffession
Correct your spelling
profession
such
 as nursing is a
hands on
Add a hyphen
hands-on
show examples
 kind of job so only theoretical training will not really suffice in the actual job
hence
 the need to acquire voluntary training. Moreso, mandatory voluntary
work
 is essential to the growth of a nation. Young adults who are still studying have very innovative ideas that can make a country grow in every aspect. Econet a telecommunications company in Zimbabwe got its idea of Ecocash from a
student
 who was still
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 training which now is
one
 of its biggest cash cows of all time in all telecommunication companies in Zimbabwe. In return
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 that innovative idea, that
student
 was
then
 employed by that company so it is a
win win
Add a hyphen
win-win
show examples
 situation.
However
, voluntary
work
 has to be completely voluntary not for it to be attached to the
one
 thing that
students
 want which is to graduate. It
being
Change the form of the verb
is
show examples
 attached as a condition to graduate beats the purpose of it being voluntary. In conclusion, volunteer
work
 before graduation is most fundamental in the development of a country and
also
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 that a
student
 has acquired theoretically.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-constructed with a logical structure, introduction, and conclusion, which makes it coherent and cohesive. To enhance this, consider varying sentence structure and using linking words more effectively to improve flow.
task achievement
You've provided relevant examples and developed your arguments well, showing a clear understanding of the topic. For further improvement, aim to present even more detailed examples and a wider range of ideas to fully address the task.
introduction schedule
Engaging introduction that immediately addresses the topic.
example usage
Uses concrete examples to support arguments, such as the Econet example.
task focus
Maintains focus on the topic throughout the essay, demonstrating clear task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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