IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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It is evident that
although
Linking Words
 we have a high level of
cultivaion
Correct your spelling
cultivation
, there are still numerous people around the world suffering from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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famine. I think the different levels between countries may lead to
this
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 and helping the developing stations be rich can be a good solution. Nowadays human beings are good at agriculture,
however
Linking Words
, many poor areas
such
Linking Words
 as some African countries
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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lack
of
Change preposition
apply
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these knowledge
Change the determiner
this knowledge
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, which is responsible for the
hungry
Replace the word
hunger
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 in those regions. The nations
had
Correct pronoun usage
that had
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few
Correct quantifier usage
little
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 knowledge
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 not cultivate things well and
as a result
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, they
do
Wrong verb form
did
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 not have enough
food
Use synonyms
 to satisfy their people.
For instance
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, some local tribes in Africa still use the method that was abandoned a century ago to cultivate rice and they are unlikely to obtain enough rice. And because of their poverty, they have difficulty buying
food
Use synonyms
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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developed countries
such
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 as America either. So the civilians there have to tolerate the hunger. Helping the poor areas establish their own
economy
Replace the word
economic
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 system and be wealthy may contribute to the
reduce
Replace the word
reduction
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 of famine. Doing
such
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 things allows them to purchase
food
Use synonyms
 from other states. What is more, when they are rich and do not need
struggle
Fix the infinitive
to struggle
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 for
living
Add an article
a living
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, they will have time to learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
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advanced techniques.
For example
Linking Words
, China used to lack
food
Use synonyms
, but when we earned considerable money, we soon developed our
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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about
Change preposition
in
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 agriculture and now we do well in cultivating.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the reason for hunger may be the poor regions do not have skills which are good enough to feed themselves and the method can
be enabling
Wrong verb form
enable
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 them to
Wrong verb form
find
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found
Wrong verb form
find
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 a good economy and be rich.

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task achievement
Make sure your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. You've made a good attempt, but further elaboration on why hunger persists despite agricultural advances could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and flow. Try incorporating complex sentences and conjunctions.
coherence cohesion
Check for and correct grammatical errors and typos to ensure clarity. Though minor, they can distract from your overall message.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, effectively structuring your arguments.
task achievement
You've used relevant examples to support your main points, enhancing the credibility of your arguments.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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