IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job. Write a letter to this friend. In your letter: say why he/she would not enjoy going to college explain why getting a job is a good idea for him/her suggest types of job that would be suitable for him/her

#friend #advice #college #job #idea
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Dear John, I hope
this
 letter finds you in good health and best spirits. I have read the letter that you sent to me
last
 week, I believe that you should opt for a good
job
 rather than joining the
college
 as
this
 will be a better idea for career growth in the future. As you already know, I joined the
college
 after completing high school and it didn't prove to be an excellent choice for me because I did not enjoy going to
college
. I do not want you to commit a similar mistake that I did.
Hence
, searching for a
job
 will be a better choice as you are keenly interested in the business you can look into real estate as well.
Moreover
, I don't have any work experience because I joined the
college
, I want you to gain some real skills that will be useful for you in your
job
 field. Doing a
job
 can help you to improve your decision-making skills and presentation skills. There are various jobs available in the market related to your field. I think you can start as an accountant or retail manager and after gaining some useful experience for a few years you can go for opening your business organization. I hope my suggestion will prove helpful to you. Yours sincerely, Navneet Kaur
Submitted by ss6802125 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
To improve, try to elaborate more on why college might not be enjoyable specifically for your friend. Tailoring your arguments to the individual's interests and goals can make your advice more impactful.
Task Response
Consider introducing detailed examples or more in-depth reasoning when explaining why getting a job is a good choice. This addition would enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain a connection between paragraphs by using transitional phrases that help the reader understand the relationship between your advice against college, the benefits of work, and suitable job suggestions.
Task Response
Your letter effectively addresses all parts of the task, providing clear advice tailored to your friend’s situation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your letter, with each paragraph dedicated to a distinct aspect of your advice, aids readability and coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your greeting and closing are appropriate, warm, and friendly, setting a positive tone for the entire letter.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Real-world experience
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • On-the-job training
  • Student loan debt
  • Personal growth
  • Professional networking
  • Career development
  • Skilled workers
  • Job market
  • Career goals
  • Immediate income
  • Professional relationships
  • Market demand
  • Defining interests
  • Educational investments
What to do next:
Look at other essays: