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Band 5

Prevention is better than cure" Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventive measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#prevention #cure #country #health #budget #proportion #treatment #education #measures
Health is the state of physical, mental and social well-being. I agree
to
Change preposition
with
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 the given statement that prevention is better than cure because after
treatment
 the damage done to mental status can not be fully recovered.
This
 essay will shed light
why
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on why
show examples
 I am in favour of providing health education and prevention
measures
 to people. To commence with, preventive
measures
 are cost-effective in
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 run, reducing the
overall
 financial burden on the
healthcare
 system and pockets of
common
Add an article
the common
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 man.
For example
, in India, more than 70 million people are diagnosed with diabetes which is a non-communicable disease.
Therefore
, they spend a large amount of money to treat it and sometimes take medicine for their whole life.
As a result
, they spend a great proportion of their income to get
treatment
.
However
; if they
would be
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 provided
healthcare
 education and take necessary steps to avert
such
 diseases, they
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 use their money for productive
works
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work
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.
Thus
, a proactive approach to
healthcare
 can lead to
healthier
Add an article
a healthier
show examples
 population, which
inturn
Correct your spelling
in turn
show examples
 contributes to the economic productivity of a country.
Moreover
, investing in
health
Correct article usage
a health
show examples
 awareness system can significantly increase public awareness of healthy practices, thereby reducing the incidence of preventable ailments.
However
, many disorders are genetic and many infections are communicable for which the authorities should have to make prior plans.
For example
; during
Covid
Correct article usage
the Covid
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pandemic
Add a comma
pandemic,
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 many nations were not able to handle the cases because they did not have
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
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 plans.
Thus
, there should be adequate vaccinations and
treatment
 plans to showcase the control of serious illness.
To conclude
, the authorities can aware people
about
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of
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 the preventive
measures
 to ensure their balanced life
along with
 allocating
treatment
measures
 for serious
malady
Fix the agreement mistake
maladies
show examples
 for 
comprehensive
Add an article
the comprehensive
show examples
healthcare
 system.
Submitted by bawanpreet070 on

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Argument Development
Develop your arguments further by considering both sides of the argument, even if you are taking a clear stance. This could make your essay more balanced and persuasive.
Sentence Variety
Ensure variety in sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. Try incorporating more complex sentence structures.
Example Specificity
Use specific examples to support your points. While you mentioned the covid pandemic and the situation in India, more detailed examples or data could strengthen your argument.
Grammar & Punctuation
Pay attention to punctuation and minor grammatical errors to enhance clarity and professionalism.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for your argument, clearly stating your position.
Organization & Flow
Good use of transitions to ensure your essay is well-organized and ideas flow logically from one paragraph to the next.
Engagement with Topic
You've shown an ability to engage with the topic in a meaningful way, discussing the importance of preventive healthcare and health education.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • health education
  • public awareness
  • proactive approach
  • unsustainable
  • economic productivity
  • healthcare system
  • vaccinations
  • curative measures
  • comprehensive healthcare
  • financial burden
  • incidence
  • preventable diseases
  • eradicating
  • controlling
  • allocated
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