Many people aim to improve their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #aim #development #values

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A lot of people opt to improve their quality of life through economic growth.

As a result

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, some crucial social values are lost.

However

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, I think the merits of economic development outweigh the demerits.

To begin

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with, economic growth has several advantages.

First,

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it is beneficial to improve education level. To be specific, as a country becomes economically successful, the government can invest more money

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education.

Thus

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, it empowers the individual's knowledge.

Consequently

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, the number of well-educated workforce increases.

Moreover

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, as the economy grows, healthcare services will

also

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improve.

Hence

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, economic development is a focal point of developing

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overall

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the overall

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well-being of the nation.

However

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, not all aspects of

this

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trend are advantageous. The more the economy becomes successful, the more individuals lose their social values. To illustrate, for business achievement, people should work overtime and

thus

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, it culminates in reduced family time and socializing opportunities.

For instance

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, South Korea, which experienced dramatic economic success, always rank highly in working hours.

Hence

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, economic accomplishment is not always favourable to society. In my view, the most paramount aim of the society should be protecting the vulnerable.

Therefore

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although

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economic development brings some disadvantages, it is highly beneficial as it guarantees

overall

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well-being, which positively

effects

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affects

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vulnerable groups

such

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as the elderly, women, and children.

To conclude

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, I firmly believe that the benefits outweigh the shortcomings of

the

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apply

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economic growth because it is favourable to attract investment towards healthcare and education facilities, which is

consequently

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helpful to socially disadvantaged groups.

Submitted by aahhyu111 on Fri Apr 05 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure a stronger integration of examples with your main points. While the essay provides relevant examples, a deeper exploration or additional examples could enhance the argument further.

Coherence & Cohesion

Consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking phrases to improve flow and enhance cohesion within and between paragraphs.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay introduces and concludes the topic effectively, setting a clear framework for your discussion.

Task Achievement

You have successfully addressed all parts of the task, providing a balanced view with a clear personal stance.

Task Achievement

The use of specific examples, such as the reference to South Korea, effectively supports your arguments and enriches the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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16
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

248 words

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Many people aim to improve their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many people claim that ordering food is a better option than preparing it themselves. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Public transport is essential but problematic. Describe some of problems connected to public transport and suggest some solution

In many countries, people think owning a home is more important than renting one. Why is this the case? Do you think it’s a positive or negative situation?