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Band 5.5

In the past most working people had only one job, however nowadays more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one job?

#people #job #time #development
Most people today are working in multiple
jobs
 all over the world compared to the past era because they mainly need to get more money or gain more skills.
However
, working a second job has positive and negative impacts.
To begin
, many individuals are choosing to work two
jobs
 for many reasons. The primary reason is boosting their bank accounts or incomes to cope with
rising
Add an article
the rising
show examples
 cost of living. Which is becoming high and varies all over the world. Where the present lifestyle is more complex than in the past.
Then
 the present
industrial based
Add a hyphen
industrial-based
show examples
 economy changes the concept of
life
 standards,
such
 as education,
houses’
Change noun form
houses
show examples
 styles, clothes and food.
As a result
, those living
standards
Change the noun form
standard
show examples
 costs become high
according to
 the rapid economic changes.
In addition
, some people become jobholders to enhance their resumes because future employers will take note of multiple
jobs
 on their resumes.
MoreOver
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
, working extra
jobs
 has pros and cons. On the one hand, it enhances income. So it's an awesome way to get more money to satisfy all
life
 aspects
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or provide financial security.
Besides
, engaging in an aside job expands the professional network.
Also
, it contributes to a sense of stability when the worker feels mental well-being.
On the other hand
, working two
jobs
 means constant pressure, which leads to exhaustion, lack of enough ordered sleep, and increased risk of stress.
As a consequence
,it can
have
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 serious health issues. Ultimately, working more than one job eats into leisure time,
as well as
 leaves little room for personal
life
, social
life
, and hobbies. In conclusion, holding extra employment is a way to improve living and supply
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
incomes.
also
Add a comma
also,
show examples
 It helps in developing skills,mental well-being, and experiences. But, it leads to less self-care and a healthy lifestyle
due to
 time constraints.
Submitted by amalalhoury on

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Grammar
Be careful with minor grammatical errors, such as missing article before 'aside job' and using a comma before 'which' when it's not introducing a relative clause.
Clarity
To improve clarity, try to avoid using 'Then' to start a sentence. Consider using conjunctions that more clearly relate to the previous idea.
Structure
In your discussion of the advantages and disadvantages, consider using clearer transition signals to guide the reader through your argument.
Content
Eloquent discussion of the reasons behind multiple job holdings, including the need for more income and enhanced resumes.
Content
Comprehensive coverage of the pros and cons of having more than one job, presenting a balanced view.
Structure
Good efforts in structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic stability
  • Multiple income streams
  • Gig economy
  • Freelance work
  • Contract work
  • Professional development
  • Financial security
  • Job market
  • Diversified income
  • Burnout
  • Skill set
  • Networking opportunities
  • Work-life balance
  • Mental well-being
  • Time management
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