The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20 % in the last 10 years. Discuss the causes and effects.

#percentage #children #society #years #effects

In the modern era, the number of overweight

children

westren

Correct your spelling

western

societies

such

Euope

Correct your spelling

European

Europe

countries, and the United States has

rose

Change the verb form

risen

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

approximately 20% in the

last

decade. To maintain the

children

's health

heatier

Correct your spelling

heater

easier

, we have to solve

this

problem together. In

this

essay, I will attempt to identify causes and propose some effects that

this

matter

bring

Correct subject-verb agreement

brings

show examples

about. Broadly speaking, there are some main problems with

this

issue.

Firstly

, the major cause of

this

issue is that most

children

prefer

high-calories

Correct your spelling

high-calorie

show examples

food

such

as hamburgers, pizzas, and something like

fozen

Correct your spelling

frozen

foods

. These

foods

have spicy and salty tastes and it is easier to cook so that makes

children

eat instant

foods

frequently.

Secondly

, another reason is that most

children

have bad habits

such

as they lie after

eat

Wrong verb form

eating

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and having irregular eating time. In terms of proposing diverse effects to

this

apparent dilemma, the members of

socetiy

Correct your spelling

society

societies

, government, and researchers should cooperate together to reduce

this

problem. First of all, when

badly

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bad

show examples

habits

sustained

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are sustained

show examples

, some

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

will have indigestion and some other health problems

such

as diabetes, and cardiovascular problems.

Secondly

obesty

Correct your spelling

obesity

can

makes

Verb problem

cause

show examples

depression because, if some people

dissatisfied

Add a missing verb

are dissatisfied

show examples

their

Change preposition

with their

show examples

body

shpes

Correct your spelling

shapes

shape

, they don't go out and

did

Wrong verb form

show examples

not prefer

meet

Fix the infinitive

to meet

show examples

friends.

As a result

, that makes people always stay at home and reduce their self-confidence. In conclusion, most people occasionally ignore doctors'

recommendation

Fix the agreement mistake

recommendations

show examples

for their happiness

about

Change preposition

apply

show examples

overweight

Add a missing verb

being overweight

show examples

such

reduce

Wrong verb form

reducing

show examples

eating

Change preposition

of high-calories

show examples

high-calories

Correct your spelling

high-calorie

show examples

foods

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and

Wrong verb form

doing

show examples

exercises

Fix the agreement mistake

exercise

show examples

Also

when

this

behaviour and actions are sustained,

this

become

Change the verb form

becomes

show examples

more serious.

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

efforts to protect their kid's health to solve

this

problem sensibly and easily.

Submitted by wowoo04066 on Fri Apr 05 2024

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Structure

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Language Use

Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate language flexibility and appropriateness.

Supporting Examples

Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This could involve citing statistics, studies, or concrete examples that illustrate the issue of child obesity.

Spelling and Grammar

Work on the accuracy of your spelling and grammar to avoid misunderstandings and to present your ideas more clearly.

Coherence

Improve the coherence by linking your ideas more effectively. Use linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas within and across paragraphs.

Introduction

You effectively introduced the topic and presented a clear stance in the introduction.

Conclusion

Your conclusion summarized the main points made throughout the essay satisfactorily.

Relevance

You identified relevant causes and effects related to the topic, showing an understanding of the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

268 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20 % in the last 10 years. Discuss the causes and effects.

Your opinion

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many people living in cities these days do not get enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this/ give some possible solutions.

Some countries have high unemployment rate, so some people think that children should only go to primary school, not high school because they won't find a job later. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. Do you agree or disagree?