The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20 % in the last 10 years. Discuss the causes and effects.
In the modern era, the number of overweight
children
in westren
societies Correct your spelling
western
such
as Euope
countries, and the United States has Correct your spelling
European
Europe
rose
Change the verb form
risen
up
approximately 20% in the Change preposition
by
last
decade. To maintain the children
's health heatier
, we have to solve Correct your spelling
heater
easier
this
problem together. In this
essay, I will attempt to identify causes and propose some effects that this
matter bring
about.
Broadly speaking, there are some main problems with Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
this
issue. Firstly
, the major cause of this
issue is that most children
prefer high-calories
food Correct your spelling
high-calorie
such
as hamburgers, pizzas, and something like fozen
Correct your spelling
frozen
foods
. These foods
have spicy and salty tastes and it is easier to cook so that makes children
eat instant foods
frequently. Secondly
, another reason is that most children
have bad habits such
as they lie after eat
Wrong verb form
eating
,
and having irregular eating time.
In terms of proposing diverse effects to Remove the comma
apply
this
apparent dilemma, the members of socetiy
, government, and researchers should cooperate together to reduce Correct your spelling
society
societies
this
problem. First of all, when badly
habits Change the word
bad
sustained
, some Add a missing verb
are sustained
childrens
will have indigestion and some other health problems Correct your spelling
children
such
as diabetes, and cardiovascular problems. Secondly
, obesty
can Correct your spelling
obesity
makes
depression because, if some people Verb problem
cause
dissatisfied
Add a missing verb
are dissatisfied
their
body Change preposition
with their
shpes
, they don't go out and Correct your spelling
shapes
shape
did
not prefer Wrong verb form
do
meet
friends. Fix the infinitive
to meet
As a result
, that makes people always stay at home and reduce their self-confidence.
In conclusion, most people occasionally ignore doctors' recommendation
for their happiness Fix the agreement mistake
recommendations
about
Change preposition
apply
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
such
as reduce
eating Wrong verb form
reducing
Change preposition
of high-calories
high-calories
Correct your spelling
high-calorie
foods
,
and Remove the comma
apply
do
more Wrong verb form
doing
exercises
. Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
Also
when this
behaviour and actions are sustained, this
become
more serious. Change the verb form
becomes
However
efforts to protect their kid's health to solve Add a comma
However,
this
problem sensibly and easily.Submitted by wowoo04066 on
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Structure
Ensure your essay is structured logically with clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should center on a single main idea, introduced with a topic sentence.
Language Use
Use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to demonstrate language flexibility and appropriateness.
Supporting Examples
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This could involve citing statistics, studies, or concrete examples that illustrate the issue of child obesity.
Spelling and Grammar
Work on the accuracy of your spelling and grammar to avoid misunderstandings and to present your ideas more clearly.
Coherence
Improve the coherence by linking your ideas more effectively. Use linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas within and across paragraphs.
Introduction
You effectively introduced the topic and presented a clear stance in the introduction.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarized the main points made throughout the essay satisfactorily.
Relevance
You identified relevant causes and effects related to the topic, showing an understanding of the issue.
Your opinion
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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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