The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20 % in the last 10 years. Discuss the causes and effects

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In the modern era, the number of overweight
children
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in
western
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Western
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societies
such
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as Europe countries, and the United States has risen by approximately 20% in the
last
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decade. To maintain the
children
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's health
heathier
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healthier
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, we have to solve
this
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problem together. In
this
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essay, I will attempt to identify causes and propose some effects that
this
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matter brings about. Broadly speaking, there are some main problems with
this
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issue.
Firstly
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, the major cause of
this
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issue is that most
children
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prefer high-calorie food
such
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as hamburgers, pizzas, and something like frozen
foods
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. These
foods
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have spicy and salty tastes and it is easier to cook so that makes
children
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eat instant
foods
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frequently.
Secondly
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, another reason is that most
children
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have bad habits
such
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as they lie after eating
,
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apply
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and having irregular eating time. In terms of proposing diverse effects to
this
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apparent dilemma, the members of society, government, and researchers should cooperate together to reduce
this
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problem. First of all, when bad habits are sustained, some
children
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will have indigestion and some other health problems
such
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as diabetes, and cardiovascular problems.
Secondly
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, obesity can cause depression because, if some people are dissatisfied with their body shapes, they don't go out and do not prefer to meet friends.
As a result
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, that makes people always stay at home and reduce their self-confidence. In conclusion, most people occasionally ignore doctors' recommendations for their happiness overweight
such
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as reducing eating high-calorie
foods
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and doing more exercise.
Also
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when
this
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behaviour and actions are sustained,
this
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becomes more serious.
However
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, efforts to protect their kid's health
to
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apply
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solve
this
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problem sensibly and easily.
Submitted by wowoo04066 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to diversify your sentence structures to elevate the complexity and readability of your essay. Varying sentence lengths and constructions can make your writing more engaging.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure use of appropriate transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help in improving the flow of your essay, making your arguments more coherent and easier to follow.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your points. While your essay mentions general causes and effects, adding detailed instances or data can significantly strengthen your arguments.
General Advice
Be cautious with grammar and spelling throughout your essay. There are a few instances of incorrect word usage and grammatical errors, such as 'heathier' instead of 'healthier'. Attention to these details can improve the overall quality of your writing.
Task Response
You effectively addressed both parts of the prompt, discussing causes and effects of childhood obesity.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, setting up and summarizing your essay's main points well.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good job on maintaining a logical structure throughout your essay. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the issue, making your arguments easy to follow.

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