The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20 % in the last 10 years. Discuss the causes and effects
In the modern era, the number of overweight
children
in western
societies Capitalize word
Western
such
as Europe countries, and the United States has risen by approximately 20% in the last
decade. To maintain the children
's health heathier
, we have to solve Correct your spelling
healthier
this
problem together. In this
essay, I will attempt to identify causes and propose some effects that this
matter brings about.
Broadly speaking, there are some main problems with this
issue. Firstly
, the major cause of this
issue is that most children
prefer high-calorie food such
as hamburgers, pizzas, and something like frozen foods
. These foods
have spicy and salty tastes and it is easier to cook so that makes children
eat instant foods
frequently. Secondly
, another reason is that most children
have bad habits such
as they lie after eating,
and having irregular eating time.
In terms of proposing diverse effects to Remove the comma
apply
this
apparent dilemma, the members of society, government, and researchers should cooperate together to reduce this
problem. First of all, when bad habits are sustained, some children
will have indigestion and some other health problems such
as diabetes, and cardiovascular problems. Secondly
, obesity can cause depression because, if some people are dissatisfied with their body shapes, they don't go out and do not prefer to meet friends. As a result
, that makes people always stay at home and reduce their self-confidence.
In conclusion, most people occasionally ignore doctors' recommendations for their happiness overweight such
as reducing eating high-calorie foods
and doing more exercise. Also
when this
behaviour and actions are sustained, this
becomes more serious. However
, efforts to protect their kid's health to
solve Fix the infinitive
apply
this
problem sensibly and easily.Submitted by wowoo04066 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to diversify your sentence structures to elevate the complexity and readability of your essay. Varying sentence lengths and constructions can make your writing more engaging.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure use of appropriate transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help in improving the flow of your essay, making your arguments more coherent and easier to follow.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your points. While your essay mentions general causes and effects, adding detailed instances or data can significantly strengthen your arguments.
General Advice
Be cautious with grammar and spelling throughout your essay. There are a few instances of incorrect word usage and grammatical errors, such as 'heathier' instead of 'healthier'. Attention to these details can improve the overall quality of your writing.
Task Response
You effectively addressed both parts of the prompt, discussing causes and effects of childhood obesity.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear, setting up and summarizing your essay's main points well.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good job on maintaining a logical structure throughout your essay. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the issue, making your arguments easy to follow.
Your opinion
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