The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20 % in the last 10 years. Discuss the causes and effects

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In the modern era, the number of overweight

children

Use synonyms

western

Capitalize word

Western

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societies

such

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as Europe countries, and the United States has risen by approximately 20% in the

last

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decade. To maintain the

children

Use synonyms

's health

heathier

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healthier

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, we have to solve

this

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problem together. In

this

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essay, I will attempt to identify causes and propose some effects that

this

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matter brings about. Broadly speaking, there are some main problems with

this

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issue.

Firstly

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, the major cause of

this

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issue is that most

children

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prefer high-calorie food

such

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as hamburgers, pizzas, and something like frozen

foods

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. These

foods

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have spicy and salty tastes and it is easier to cook so that makes

children

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eat instant

foods

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frequently.

Secondly

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, another reason is that most

children

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have bad habits

such

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as they lie after eating

Remove the comma

apply

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and having irregular eating time. In terms of proposing diverse effects to

this

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apparent dilemma, the members of society, government, and researchers should cooperate together to reduce

this

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problem. First of all, when bad habits are sustained, some

children

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will have indigestion and some other health problems

such

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as diabetes, and cardiovascular problems.

Secondly

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, obesity can cause depression because, if some people are dissatisfied with their body shapes, they don't go out and do not prefer to meet friends.

As a result

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, that makes people always stay at home and reduce their self-confidence. In conclusion, most people occasionally ignore doctors' recommendations for their happiness overweight

such

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as reducing eating high-calorie

foods

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and doing more exercise.

Also

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when

this

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behaviour and actions are sustained,

this

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becomes more serious.

However

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, efforts to protect their kid's health

Fix the infinitive

apply

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solve

this

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problem sensibly and easily.

wowoo04066Fri Apr 05 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Try to diversify your sentence structures to elevate the complexity and readability of your essay. Varying sentence lengths and constructions can make your writing more engaging.

Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure use of appropriate transitions between paragraphs and ideas. This will help in improving the flow of your essay, making your arguments more coherent and easier to follow.

Task Achievement

Incorporate more specific examples to support your points. While your essay mentions general causes and effects, adding detailed instances or data can significantly strengthen your arguments.

General Advice

Be cautious with grammar and spelling throughout your essay. There are a few instances of incorrect word usage and grammatical errors, such as 'heathier' instead of 'healthier'. Attention to these details can improve the overall quality of your writing.

Task Response

You effectively addressed both parts of the prompt, discussing causes and effects of childhood obesity.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are clear, setting up and summarizing your essay's main points well.

Coherence & Cohesion

Good job on maintaining a logical structure throughout your essay. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the issue, making your arguments easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

271 words

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The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20 % in the last 10 years. Discuss the causes and effects

Your opinion

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people work for the same organization all their life. Others think that it is better to work for different organization. Discuss both views and gives your opinion.

In the past, when students did a , they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?