It is thought by some people that it is better to live in a city while others believe that life is better in the countryside. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
There are opposite views
whether
it is better to live in urban or rural Change preposition
on whether
areas
. Use synonyms
This
essay will discuss both views alongside Linking Words
with
my own opinion on each notion.
On the one hand, living in big Change preposition
apply
cities
grants Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
an
easy access to top-tier Remove the article
apply
facilities
. It is inevitable that the privilege of urban Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
lays
Replace the word
lies
on
the easy accessibility Change preposition
in
from
advanced public Change preposition
of
facilities
Use synonyms
such
as hospitals that Linking Words
heightens
the opportunity Correct subject-verb agreement
heighten
of
Change preposition
for
people
to live a better Use synonyms
life
. It can be seen from several cases that can be found in capital Use synonyms
cities
like Seoul or Jakarta, where Use synonyms
people
easily perceive detail and comprehensive medical examinations Use synonyms
as well as
treatments, supported by sophisticated equipmentLinking Words
,
since to reach those Remove the comma
apply
facilities
Use synonyms
people
only require to make an ambulance call, once they suffer from certain Use synonyms
symptomps
. Correct your spelling
symptoms
As a result
, it can deter the percentage of Linking Words
people
who Use synonyms
likely
to experience chronic diseases, which in turn Add a missing verb
are likely
increasing
Wrong verb form
increases
life
expectancy and Use synonyms
decreasing
death tolls. Regardless Wrong verb form
decreases
that
view; Change preposition
of that
however
, I disagree that Linking Words
reside
in big Wrong verb form
residing
cities
is a Use synonyms
beter
option since it can be unsafe as the criminal rates are particularly higher.
Correct your spelling
better
On the other hand
, having Linking Words
an
outskirts Correct article usage
a
live
can make Replace the word
life
people
physically and mentally healthy. Notwithstanding Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
apply
an
eminent fact that there is a likelihood its Correct article usage
the
people
will be provided with better air quality since there is a scarcity to find gasoline-based vehicles, which Use synonyms
being
the biggest threat to Wrong verb form
is
human’s
respiratory systems, rural Change noun form
human
areas
Use synonyms
also
prompt a condition that Linking Words
support
better mental health conditions to human beings because it Change the verb form
supports
drift
them apart from the typical hustle and bustle conditions in big Change the verb form
drifts
cities
. Use synonyms
This
notion is supported through a recent survey from NHS that Linking Words
unveil
Correct subject-verb agreement
unveils
almost
76% of British Correct word choice
that almost
people
are likely Use synonyms
live
in rural Add the particle
to live
areas
compared to big Use synonyms
cities
because they feel mentally and Use synonyms
phsyically
better. Correct your spelling
physically
As a result
, it can increase Linking Words
people
’s Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
satisfactions
and hinder them from Fix the agreement mistake
satisfaction
the
potential psychological Correct article usage
apply
disturbance
Fix the agreement mistake
disturbances
such
as stress or depression. Regarding that notion, I agree with the decision to live in rural Linking Words
areas
because it can benefit Use synonyms
to
the health levels of Change preposition
apply
people
in the long run.
In conclusion, even though Use synonyms
reside
in big Change the form of the verb
residing
cities
gives Use synonyms
privilege
to easily reach top-tier Correct article usage
the privilege
facilities
for a better quality of Use synonyms
life
, it is not foreshortened the fact that Use synonyms
people
’s safety is Use synonyms
also
at Linking Words
risks
with the higher rates of criminal activities. Fix the agreement mistake
risk
Therefore
, I Linking Words
deem to
agree with the idea Verb problem
apply
to live
in a rural area because it can provide both mentally and physically healthy environments, which Change preposition
of living
benefit
in the long run.Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
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Coherence and Cohesion
To further improve your score, consider enhancing the variety of your sentence structures. Incorporating a range of complex and compound sentences can make your arguments more dynamic.
Task Achievement
Continue to use examples to support your main points as you did here. However, try to ensure that these examples are detailed and directly relevant to the specific idea you are discussing. This will make your argumentation even stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion were clear and effectively framed your discussion, which made your position and the structure of your essay easy to follow.
Task Achievement
You made good use of examples to support your points, particularly the mention of specific cities like Seoul or Jakarta and the NHS survey. This adds credibility to your arguments.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.