It is thought by some people that it is better to live in a city while others believe that life is better in the countryside. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
There are opposite views
whether
it is better to live in urban or rural Change preposition
on whether
areas
. This
essay will discuss both views alongside with
my own opinion on each notion.
On the one hand, living in big Change preposition
apply
cities
grants people
an
easy access to top-tier Remove the article
apply
facilities
. It is inevitable that the privilege of urban people
lays
Replace the word
lies
on
the easy accessibility Change preposition
in
from
advanced public Change preposition
of
facilities
such
as hospitals that heightens
the opportunity Correct subject-verb agreement
heighten
of
Change preposition
for
people
to live a better life
. It can be seen from several cases that can be found in capital cities
like Seoul or Jakarta, where people
easily perceive detail and comprehensive medical examinations as well as
treatments, supported by sophisticated equipment,
since to reach those Remove the comma
apply
facilities
people
only require to make an ambulance call, once they suffer from certain symptomps
. Correct your spelling
symptoms
As a result
, it can deter the percentage of people
who likely
to experience chronic diseases, which in turn Add a missing verb
are likely
increasing
Wrong verb form
increases
life
expectancy and decreasing
death tolls. Regardless Wrong verb form
decreases
that
view; Change preposition
of that
however
, I disagree that reside
in big Wrong verb form
residing
cities
is a beter
option since it can be unsafe as the criminal rates are particularly higher.
Correct your spelling
better
On the other hand
, having an
outskirts Correct article usage
a
live
can make Replace the word
life
people
physically and mentally healthy. Notwithstanding with
Change preposition
apply
an
eminent fact that there is a likelihood its Correct article usage
the
people
will be provided with better air quality since there is a scarcity to find gasoline-based vehicles, which being
the biggest threat to Wrong verb form
is
human’s
respiratory systems, rural Change noun form
human
areas
also
prompt a condition that support
better mental health conditions to human beings because it Change the verb form
supports
drift
them apart from the typical hustle and bustle conditions in big Change the verb form
drifts
cities
. This
notion is supported through a recent survey from NHS that unveil
Correct subject-verb agreement
unveils
almost
76% of British Correct word choice
that almost
people
are likely live
in rural Add the particle
to live
areas
compared to big cities
because they feel mentally and phsyically
better. Correct your spelling
physically
As a result
, it can increase people
’s life
satisfactions
and hinder them from Fix the agreement mistake
satisfaction
the
potential psychological Correct article usage
apply
disturbance
Fix the agreement mistake
disturbances
such
as stress or depression. Regarding that notion, I agree with the decision to live in rural areas
because it can benefit to
the health levels of Change preposition
apply
people
in the long run.
In conclusion, even though reside
in big Change the form of the verb
residing
cities
gives privilege
to easily reach top-tier Correct article usage
the privilege
facilities
for a better quality of life
, it is not foreshortened the fact that people
’s safety is also
at risks
with the higher rates of criminal activities. Fix the agreement mistake
risk
Therefore
, I deem to
agree with the idea Verb problem
apply
to live
in a rural area because it can provide both mentally and physically healthy environments, which Change preposition
of living
benefit
in the long run.Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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Coherence and Cohesion
To further improve your score, consider enhancing the variety of your sentence structures. Incorporating a range of complex and compound sentences can make your arguments more dynamic.
Task Achievement
Continue to use examples to support your main points as you did here. However, try to ensure that these examples are detailed and directly relevant to the specific idea you are discussing. This will make your argumentation even stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion were clear and effectively framed your discussion, which made your position and the structure of your essay easy to follow.
Task Achievement
You made good use of examples to support your points, particularly the mention of specific cities like Seoul or Jakarta and the NHS survey. This adds credibility to your arguments.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
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