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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table and charts below provide information about the destinations and employment of UK first degree holders. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table and charts below provide information about the destinations and employment of UK first degree holders. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #destinations #employment #uk #first #holders #features #comparisons
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The table
chart
Use synonyms
 presents
Use synonyms
Add an article
the percent
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of graduates working in four
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 employment types during 4 years.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the pie charts demonstrate
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of payments
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 genders in 2009 and 2010.
Totally
Rephrase
The total
show examples
 table
chart
Use synonyms
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
 that most of
graduate
Add an article
the graduate
show examples
 students have
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
carrers
Correct your spelling
careers
carers
 and based on
information
Correct article usage
the information
show examples
 in the pie charts more than half of
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 earn between 15000 and 25000.
To begin
Linking Words
 almost 60
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 have
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 jobs and its
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 has a little fluctuation
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 4 years.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
Use synonyms
percent
Correct your spelling
the percentage
show examples
 of
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
 jobs
deacreasing
Correct your spelling
decreased
overally
Correct your spelling
overall
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 2
percent
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 students that attend more studies were level off about 17
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 but not
employeed
Correct your spelling
employed
 ones rises until 2009
then
Linking Words
 it falls down. In comparison of two pie
Use synonyms
chart
Add a comma
chart,
show examples
 an important result could be that women
eran
Correct your spelling
earn
 less than
men
Use synonyms
. In spite
of
Correct pronoun usage
of this
show examples
, 4
percent
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 take more than 35000 only 2
percent
Use synonyms
 of women have
such
Linking Words
 salaries.
Although
Linking Words
 females had
bigger
Correct article usage
a bigger
show examples
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 low payments
uunder
Correct your spelling
under
 15000. but in salaries between 15000 to 20000 both sexes have
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 quotes and females have more
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in payments between 20000 and 25000 In short, there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
little
diffrence bettween
Correct your spelling
difference between
men
Use synonyms
 and women
whereas
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
 in most parts had the upper hand and
table
Correct article usage
the table
show examples
chart
Use synonyms
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
academic graduates had full-time jobs.
Submitted by Saeed201271 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, percent, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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