IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The efficientfunctioning o f society is based on rules and laws. Society would not function well if individuals were free to do whatever they wanted. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#f #society #rules #laws #function #individuals
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Society functions well if the individuals are free and do what they want to do is right up to some extent
whereas
Linking Words
 it is important to impose strict rules and laws if government wants to make it a better place to live.
Although
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, it is every citizen's responsibility to follow rules and regulations to run their surroundings smoothly. People
claiming
Wrong verb form
claim
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 that the benefits it offers are no match for its drawbacks. I agree
to
Change preposition
with
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 the given notion as
government
Add an article
the government
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 has to impose stringent orders to make
this
Linking Words
 world a better place.
Firstly
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, human rights are essential up to some extent as if pupils are not free, they will not be able to grow as in some countries humans do not have
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
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 to speech as we can take an example of Gaza where everything is ruined and
public
Add an article
the public
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 is surviving
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
due to
Linking Words
 terrorist attacks. So, freedom is
also
Linking Words
 necessary.
Secondly
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, some countries
has
Change the verb form
have
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 very strict laws and
this
Linking Words
 actually shaped people into good human beings.
For instance
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, in
Dubai
Add a comma
Dubai,
show examples
 if you
are leaving
Wrong verb form
leave
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 your car windows open, nobody will steal your goods even if it costs millions of dollars as they cut
hands
Correct article usage
the hands
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 of
theives
Correct your spelling
thieves
. So, I agree that it is important for the administration to force
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 to follow legal codes.
To sum up
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, I agree that it is important for every country to land with some sort of harsh acts so that
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
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 do not take benefit to hurt others.
Submitted by kaurv083 on

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Language accuracy
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Detail and development
Ensure your examples are directly related to the points you are making and explained in enough detail. This will strengthen your argument.
Coherence and cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more naturally and improve the flow of your essay.
Task achievement
You outlined a clear position in your introduction and conclusion, making your viewpoint on the topic clear.
Task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your argument, which helps to clarify your position.
Coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion is well-organized.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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