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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case?Do you think this is a positive or a negativedevelopment?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #negativedevelopment
Nowadays lots of kids are addicted to mobile
phones
 ,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
 they spend
many
Replace the quantifier
much
show examples
 time
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
day on
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. I suppose that’s not a positive
development
.
As
Change preposition
With
show examples
 the
development
 of technology
smartphones
 have become a part of our daily life,
due to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 convenience. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 and
children
 need
smartphones
 to help with
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 education,
for instance
 in many developed countries students hand in
assignment
Fix the agreement mistake
assignments
show examples
 with their mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, which is more efficient and convenient. In
this
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 tutors can know more about their students. What’s more
due to
 the covid 19 there is a new kind of teaching way which is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online class, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smartphones
 students have
chance
Correct article usage
the chance
show examples
 to learn knowledge wherever and whenever they want.
Additionally
 smartphone is
also
 a contact device.
Instead
 of telephones or letters, mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 are more convenient with more functions,
such
 as sending
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
show examples
, having video calls……
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 most of the families would prepare
phones
 for their kids. In
this
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 they believe
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 could be safer, because of the connection. In my
viewpoint
Add a comma
viewpoint,
show examples
this
 is a negative
development
. At
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first point, I believe that
smartphones
 can easily influence
children
 negatively because they are not mature enough.
To begin
 with, kids may be induced by the games accessed by
phones
due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of self-control.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 almost 60% of
children
 use
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 to play games
instead
 of using
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educational tools.
This
 apparently wastes their time.
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
children
 lack adequate judgement,
result
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
 in a lack of
clarify
Replace the word
clarity
show examples
whether
Change preposition
on whether
show examples
 the information is good or bad since they may be easy to
be misguide
Change the verb form
be misguided
show examples
 by some
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
show examples
 on the internet. A young boy ,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
show examples
 could be tempted by the advertisement on the smartphone and
then
 gamble online.
This
 absolutely leads him to a criminal way. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
smartphones
 are hitting every
conner
Correct your spelling
corner
show examples
 of the world
due to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
convenient
Replace the word
convenience
show examples
,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
children
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 too much time on mobile
phones
 is not a positive
development
.
Submitted by fiasngs on

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Introduction Clarity
Be clear and direct in your introduction regarding your viewpoint on whether it's a positive or negative development. This can help set a strong foundation for your arguments.
Balanced Argumentation
Attempt to provide a more balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, even if you lean towards one side. This can enrich your essay and showcase a deeper analysis.
Sentence Variety & Transitional Phrases
Use varied sentence structures and transitional phrases to improve the flow of your essay and make your arguments clearer.
Proofreading
Be cautious of minor spelling or grammatical errors that might distract the reader. Proofreading can help eliminate these errors and polish your essay.
Use of Examples
You've used relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
Conclusion
The essay provides a clear conclusion that reflects back on the arguments presented, which is essential for a strong finish.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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