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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many university students nowadays live away from home and their parents because of their university location, while others live with their families. What are the advantages and disadvantages of each situation?

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One
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 of the most prevalent trends in the contemporary world is the cumulative increase in
relocation
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the relocation
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 of students from
one
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 city to another or abroad for their higher studies. The argument
whether
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about whether
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 it is beneficial for children to spend their
life
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 away from their parents for education has been gathering momentum across the world in recent times. It is completely agreed that a quality education is
must
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a must
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 to shape
one
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's
life
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 and for
this
Linking Words
, some folks leave their homes and move to another place and spend their
life
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 in the absence of their family. I will provide an overview
on
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of
show examples
 both
advanvtages
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advantages
 and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 notion and will reach
into
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apply
show examples
a logical conclusion.
Firstly
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, when folks
will
Verb problem
apply
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live outside of their house, they will get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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 to learn new skills
everyday
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every day
show examples
 from their peers and it will be easy for them to mould
according to
Linking Words
 different situations in their
life
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 in future when they will get
marry
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married
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 and manage
family
Correct article usage
a family
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 and work
life
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 as living away will make them more independent and they will be responsible for their household
chorus
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chores
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such
Linking Words
 as cooking, cleaning and managing their finances.
Moreover
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, scholars will be able to enhance their interpersonal skills by taking part in social activities in universities,
by
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and by
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 joining different student clubs which in turn will increase the social network of pupils.
For example
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, in hostel
life
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, it is very easy to learn basic living rules
such
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 as
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 up early in the morning as
one
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 has to wait in the queue to take
shower
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a shower
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 and for breakfast. It teaches folks to maintain
daily
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a daily
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 routine,
sense
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a sense
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 of sharing and keep patience
while
Linking Words
 waiting in the queue for meals.
Secondly
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, staying at
home
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 has its own benefits as
one
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 can learn from the parents or ancestors. Emotional support is
must
Correct article usage
a must
show examples
 during university
life
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 as some students feel stressed
due to
Linking Words
pressure
Correct article usage
the pressure
show examples
 of
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 and they feel
embarrased
Correct your spelling
embarrassed
 to discuss with their peers or teachers which has given birth to many suicides in the past.
Furthermore
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, living at
home
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while
Linking Words
 studying can help to save money on accommodation and food and provide substantial financial relief to parents.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I believe that it is important to stay away from
home
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while
Linking Words
 studying as it helps
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
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 to participate in
late night
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late-night
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 group activities or group studies
happen
Verb problem
apply
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in universities as it
give
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gives
show examples
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to learn in
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 effective way rather than sitting alone and learning in the
home
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.

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coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures more; although your use of complex sentences is good, incorporating a wider range of syntactical constructions can add to the stylistic richness of your writing.
task achievement
Be mindful of occasional spelling or grammatical errors, such as "advanvtages" and the use of "folks" in a slightly informal context. While these do not significantly detract from the overall quality, attention to detail can refine your essay further.
coherence cohesion
Consider providing more explicit comparison or explicit connective phrases between advantages and disadvantages when switching from one point to the other. This will enhance the logical flow and make your argumentation even clearer.
task achievement
Though your examples are relevant, try to include more varied and specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Particularly in the section discussing the benefits of living at home, adding specific, illustrative examples could make your case more convincing.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good grasp of the topic with a well-structured argument, presenting both sides thoughtfully.
coherence cohesion
You effectively use paragraphs and transitions to organize your ideas, which significantly aids the readability and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments, reinforcing the position taken at the beginning. Excellent work in bringing closure to your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • personal growth
  • immersive
  • social networks
  • interpersonal skills
  • financial burden
  • psychological comfort
  • academic integration
  • loneliness
  • isolation
  • adapt
  • mental health
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