IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The figure provides data on the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of population of
people
Use synonyms
 who live in
cities
Use synonyms
 in
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, Malaysia, Thailand and Indonesia over a
50 year
Add a hyphen
50-year
show examples
 period, prediction is
also
Linking Words
 provided for the next 20 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that about 4/5 of Malaysians will live in
cities
Use synonyms
 by the year 2040.
By contrast
Linking Words
, a far lesser number of
people
Use synonyms
 will live an urban life in other countries. Looking at Malaysia, only a small
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
(30%) lived in
cities
Use synonyms
 in 1970 but its figure saw an upward trend and surpassed that of
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 by the year 1992 and will reach its highest amount in 2040. Despite having the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 at the start of the period,
Philippines’
Correct article usage
the Philippines’
show examples
 urban population will become a mere 51% by the end of the period. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 living in
cities
Use synonyms
 of Indonesia was the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 in 1970;
however
Linking Words
, it rose significantly and put Thailand and Philippines behind by the years 2000 and 2010.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is forecasted to reach 60
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2040. Thailand’s urban population
also
Linking Words
 increased from 20 to 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and is predicted to reach 44
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 by 2040.
Submitted by viana.elahi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, people, cities with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "provides" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: