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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart gives information about the number of overseas Japanese tourists between 1985 and 1995, and the line graph illustrates percentage of those going to Australia between 1984 and 1994.

The bar chart gives information about the number of overseas Japanese tourists between 1985 and 1995, and the line graph illustrates percentage of those going to Australia between 1984 and 1994.
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The bar chart represents data nearly the
number
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 of abroad
Japanese
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tourists
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 from 1985 to 1995.
Overall
Linking Words
, as can be clearly seen from the bar charts,
firsly
Correct your spelling
firstly
first
 in 1985, about 5
million
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Japanse
Correct your spelling
Japanese
show examples
tourists
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traveled
Change the spelling
travelled
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 abroad later in 1986, the
number
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 of
Japanese
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 going abroad increased by approximately 2
million
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. The
number
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 of
Japanese
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tourists
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traviling
Correct your spelling
travelling
 has rapid increase since 1990 and
approximately
Add a missing verb
is approximately
show examples
 11
million
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 1991, a decline in the
number
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 of
Japanese
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tourists
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 going abroad
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 observed, approximately 2
million
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 decreases.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 growth resumes in subsequent years. In 1992, the
nmber
Correct your spelling
number
 of
Japanese
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tourists
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 going abroad
go
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
uped
Correct your spelling
up
used
 by about 4
million
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 and
then
Linking Words
 in 1994, it jumped again by about 4
million
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.
At the end
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 1995, the
number
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 of
tourists
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 increased significantly to about
million
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 and
thus
Linking Words
 the largest
number
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 of foreign
tourists
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traveled
Change the spelling
travelled
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 year

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, japanese, tourists, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overseas tourists
  • chart analysis
  • data interpretation
  • percentage increase/decrease
  • tourist trends
  • economic factors
  • promotional activities
  • visa policies
  • cultural influences
  • social factors
  • culmination of trends
  • speculation
  • preference shifts
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