Some people believe that it is better to build new museums and town halls instead of renovating the old ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #museums #town #halls #ones

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Museums

and

Town

halls are becoming part of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society nowadays. Some individuals claim that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

it is beneficial to construct modern

museums

and

town

buildings

other

Correct your spelling

rather

show examples

than renovating the outmoded ones. I strongly agree that new

museums

should be built as

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

will provide more space and include modern architecture which will be accessible to visitors and

also

great jobs for the community. There are many advantages of building

museums

and

town

centres.

Firstly

, the construction of new facilities incorporates modern design and technology and

providing

Wrong verb form

provides

show examples

more accessible space.

This

attracts tourists as they are intrigued by the design and will like to explore the area as there will

facilities

Add a missing verb

be facilities

show examples

for visitors to enjoy their stay at the museum.

For instance

, the building of Kwame Nkrumah

historical museum

Correct your spelling

Historical Museum

show examples

in Ghana included great

artifacts

Change the spelling

artefacts

show examples

and has increased its amenities to include many modern departments

such

as the library, restaurants, exhibition halls etc.

Also

due to

its expansion and facility, many local people have been employed in various fields and

this

has reduced the unemployment rate.

On the other hand

, people affirm that the old museum should be renovated because they believe renovating the old

buildings

will help maintain historical continuity and preserve cultural heritage. They believe that the history there will be lost when they are destroyed

hence

, keeping it with slight change is the best.

In addition

, it is believed that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

preserving old

buildings

can foster a sense of identity.

New

Add an article

The new

A new

show examples

generation will know their

linage

Correct your spelling

lineage

show examples

as the same history will be passed down to them. In conclusion,

construction

Correct article usage

the construction

show examples

of new

museums

and

town

halls opens enormous advantages to local residents and should be encouraged even though preserving historic

buildings

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

keep cultural heritage and foster a sense of identity in the community.

Submitted by dede on Fri Apr 05 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

To enhance coherence, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to demonstrate clear connections between ideas. This will help the flow of your essay and make your arguments more persuasive.

Task Achievement

Although your essay provides a comprehensive response to the question, delve deeper into your reasoning and provide more varied examples to support your views. This will help to enrich your argument and make your essay more compelling.

Task Achievement

You have clearly outlined your position and provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which makes your essay persuasive and engaging.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay has a logical structure, with a clear introduction and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow and understand.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

293 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

modern design
functional
accessible
stimulate
local economies
tourists
historical continuity
cultural heritage
environmentally friendly
financial inefficiency
energy-efficient
societal cohesion
infrastructure
preserve
refurbishment
sustainability

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Some people believe that it is better to build new museums and town halls instead of renovating the old ones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school, Do the advantages of this outweight disadvantages.

Some people think that sport has significant impact on the society, others think that sport is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In many countries, today there is insufficient respect to old people. What are the reasons? What problem it brings to the society?

The picture illustrates the cycling process of a consumer product called glass bottles.

The culture of different places are now looking similar in modern times. What do you think are the causes of this? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend?