Life now is better than it was 100 years ago. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statment? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

Several individuals prefer working for long
hours
and
as a result
, they don’t get enough time for leisure activities. Making a good career and creating a competitive edge over colleagues are the biggest
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
while
mental
health
issues and developing bad habits are the primary disadvantages of
this
phenomenon. To commence with, nowadays competition in the
job
market is fierce, and it is very difficult for employees to get
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
show examples
or find a
job
with a good salary.
Therefore
, to sustain the
job
they have and to get a raise, workers often choose to
work
beyond their regular
job
hours
.
Consequently
, employees who show more dedication towards their
job
by working for long
hours
, create a competitive edge over their colleagues.
For example
, as per
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
recent study, most managers tend to have a positive image
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
employees who
work
after
job
hours
.
Although
working for more
hours
is advantageous for better career prospects, it shouldn’t be prioritized at the cost of leisure and fun activities. To explain in detail, leisure activities like light exercise, going for small trips,
spending
Correct word choice
and spending
show examples
quality time with family all have a significant impact on physical and mental
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
. Since many people suffer from mental
health
issues
due to
long working
hours
, they start smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol to cope with the stress.
This
is why, working for long
hours
is not recommended when mental and physical
health
get compromised. In conclusion, even though spending extended
hours
at
work
may increase the chances of getting promoted or getting a pay raise, its adverse effects on mental and physical
health
should be taken into consideration
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
deciding to
work
for long
hours
.
Additionally
, developing the habit of drinking and smoking to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress at
work
is never a good option either in the short run or in the long run.
Submitted by aayushvsanghvi8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language use
Try to include a wider range of vocabulary to better express your ideas and make your arguments more compelling.
Task achievement
Ensure that your examples are detailed and directly relevant to the main argument you are presenting for stronger support of your ideas.
Language use
To further enhance the effectiveness of your essay, consider varying your sentence structures more. This will add complexity and sophistication to your writing.
Task achievement
Remember to include a balanced discussion when the question asks for arguments on both sides. This includes dedicating equal parts of your essay to discussing both the advantages and disadvantages, even if you have a strong opinion one way.
Coherence and cohesion
You've done an excellent job organizing your essay in a coherent manner with clear logical structure and smooth transitions between paragraphs.
Coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, rounding off the essay nicely and reinforcing your stance.
Task Achievement
Your response to the task is complete, with clear, comprehensive ideas supported by relevant examples.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!