IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Too much money is spent in maintaining and repairing old buildings. Some people think that they should be knocked down and give way to the modern buildings. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#money #buildings #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The usage of new technology in the education sector has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
surged in recent times and prioritized over the conventional method of teaching to
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 large number of
pupils
Use synonyms
. Contemporary technology in teaching is very convenient and
timesaving
Correct your spelling
time-saving
show examples
 for
students
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 for
teachers
Use synonyms
. The primary advantages and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon are discussed in the following passages. On the one hand, there are various benefits of using new technologies for teaching
students
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, through the conventional method, it is very difficult for
teachers
Use synonyms
 to explain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
complex topics to
students
Use synonyms
. But, after the advent of new audio-visual technology, it is very easy to explain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tough topics with the help of animations.
Additionally
Linking Words
, since most educational institutes have adopted online teaching,
students
Use synonyms
 can easily learn from anywhere in the world, which is very convenient and
timesaving
Correct your spelling
time-saving
show examples
. Despite these advantages, there are many drawbacks of new technologies which not only affect the learning curve of
students
Use synonyms
, but it affects the
overall
Linking Words
 health of
pupils
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
it is nearly impossible for
teachers
Use synonyms
 to know if
students
Use synonyms
 are paying attention
while
Linking Words
 teaching online and
as a result
Linking Words
, most
students
Use synonyms
 can’t score well in exams.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, new gadgets require
pupils
Use synonyms
 to constantly use digital
screes
Correct your spelling
screens
show examples
 which is very harmful for
students
Use synonyms
 of all ages.
For example
Linking Words
, as per a recent study, nearly 50% of children below
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 of ten, wear spectacles
due to
Linking Words
 excessive use of digital screens. In conclusion, new technological advancements in education surely increase
students
Use synonyms
’ ability to grasp
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
complex subjects, and they are far more convenient and
timesaving
Correct your spelling
time-saving
show examples
 for
teachers
Use synonyms
 and
students
Use synonyms
 than traditional methods.
However
Linking Words
, they negatively affect the learning curve of
pupils
Use synonyms
 and their eye
sights
Fix the agreement mistake
sight
show examples
.
Submitted by aayushvsanghvi8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Make sure your essay addresses the specific task given. Your essay discusses the impact of technology in education, which doesn't directly address the topic of spending money on maintaining old buildings versus building new ones.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that your essay maintains a consistent focus on the given topic throughout. This will enhance clarity and relevance.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a wider range of specific examples and evidence that directly relates to the given topic to strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
For a structured essay, remember to include an introduction that clearly states your stance on the topic, followed by body paragraphs that elaborate on your points, and a conclusion that summarises your thoughts.
Task Achievement
You made a good attempt at discussing the advantages and disadvantages within your chosen topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay structure, with a clear distinction between paragraphs and an introduction and conclusion, aids readability.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: