IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Too much money is spent in maintaining and repairing old buildings. Some people think that they should be knocked down and give way to the modern buildings. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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The usage of new technology in the education sector has
been
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surged in recent times and prioritized over the conventional method of teaching to
the
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a
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 large number of
pupils
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. Contemporary technology in teaching is very convenient and
timesaving
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time-saving
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 for
students
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as well as
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 for
teachers
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. The primary advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 phenomenon are discussed in the following passages. On the one hand, there are various benefits of using new technologies for teaching
students
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.
Firstly
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, through the conventional method, it is very difficult for
teachers
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 to explain
the
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complex topics to
students
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. But, after the advent of new audio-visual technology, it is very easy to explain
the
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tough topics with the help of animations.
Additionally
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, since most educational institutes have adopted online teaching,
students
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 can easily learn from anywhere in the world, which is very convenient and
timesaving
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time-saving
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. Despite these advantages, there are many drawbacks of new technologies which not only affect the learning curve of
students
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, but it affects the
overall
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 health of
pupils
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.
First,
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it is nearly impossible for
teachers
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 to know if
students
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 are paying attention
while
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 teaching online and
as a result
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, most
students
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 can’t score well in exams.
Furthermore
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, new gadgets require
pupils
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 to constantly use digital
screes
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screens
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 which is very harmful for
students
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 of all ages.
For example
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, as per a recent study, nearly 50% of children below
age
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the age
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 of ten, wear spectacles
due to
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 excessive use of digital screens. In conclusion, new technological advancements in education surely increase
students
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’ ability to grasp
the
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complex subjects, and they are far more convenient and
timesaving
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time-saving
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 for
teachers
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 and
students
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 than traditional methods.
However
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, they negatively affect the learning curve of
pupils
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 and their eye
sights
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sight
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.

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Task Achievement
Make sure your essay addresses the specific task given. Your essay discusses the impact of technology in education, which doesn't directly address the topic of spending money on maintaining old buildings versus building new ones.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that your essay maintains a consistent focus on the given topic throughout. This will enhance clarity and relevance.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a wider range of specific examples and evidence that directly relates to the given topic to strengthen your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
For a structured essay, remember to include an introduction that clearly states your stance on the topic, followed by body paragraphs that elaborate on your points, and a conclusion that summarises your thoughts.
Task Achievement
You made a good attempt at discussing the advantages and disadvantages within your chosen topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay structure, with a clear distinction between paragraphs and an introduction and conclusion, aids readability.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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