As a result of electronic invention such as the computer and television, people do less physical activity, and this is having a negative effect on their health. To what extent so you agree or disagree?
A commonly held view is that the invention of electronic devices
induce
adverse influences on Correct subject-verb agreement
induces
individuals
' fitness status,
because it Remove the comma
apply
caused
Wrong verb form
causes
people
doing
less exercise. Change the verb form
to do
This
essay will argue why I strongly disagree with the statement despite some negative impacts it brings.
It is true that nowadays, technological innovations have already become an essential part of people
's lives, especially television and mobile phones. Undeniably, due to
addiction and the magical relaxing effects that scrolling one's phones
and watching television can arouse, there is quite a high chance for Fix the agreement mistake
phone
individuals
to reduce their time for physical activities, just for the possibilities
of more utilization. Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
Therefore
, in the long term, lacking exercise will surely lead to health
problem
.
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
On the other hand
, every electronic devices
Change to a singular noun
device
were
originally invented to Correct subject-verb agreement
was
assit
Correct your spelling
assist
people
, it was the wrong usage that resulted in adverse consequences; meanwhile, there are in fact numerous electronic invention
that can enhance Fix the agreement mistake
inventions
individuals
' health
. If discussing equipment that specifically
for Add a missing verb
is specifically
health
purpose
, Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
for example
, Apple
watch can be used to monitor one's vital signs Correct article usage
an Apple
while
giving emergency alert
when unusual signs Fix the agreement mistake
alerts
being
detected. Wrong verb form
are
Furthermore
, the device itself can encourage individuals
to exercise by equipting
applications for Correct your spelling
equipping
quitting
individuals
to record their work out
Correct your spelling
workout
result
and even Fix the agreement mistake
results
being
able to compete with friends.
In conclusion, Wrong verb form
be
although
there are several aspects of electronic innovation that indeed causing decline
Add an article
the decline
a decline
of
Change preposition
in
people
's health
status, the benefits they bring toward people
's health
cannot be over stated
.Correct your spelling
overstated
Submitted by ihateielts
on
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Grammar
Ensure consistency in verb tense throughout your essay to maintain clarity and precision.
Content
Consider expanding on your ideas with more detail and explanation to strengthen your argument.
Grammar
Be attentive to minor spelling and grammatical errors that could distract from your overall message.
Writing Style
Using a variety of sentence structures can make your writing more engaging and dynamic.
Structure
You've done a good job introducing and concluding your essay, which showcases a structured approach.
Content
Excellent job providing specific examples to support your main points. This strengthens your argument effectively.
Coherence
Your essay logically progresses from one idea to the next, which enhances coherence and cohesion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.