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Writing Samples
Band 7

The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000. Describe the information in the table and make comparisons where appropriate.

The table below gives information about changes in modes of travel in England between 1985 and 2000. Describe the information in the table and make comparisons where appropriate.
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
table chart illustrates data concerning changes in different types of
travell
Correct your spelling
travel
 (Walking, Bicycle, Car, Local bus, Long-distance bus, etc) in England from 1985 to 2000. Looking at the
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is readily apparent that
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the year 1985, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who
travell
Correct your spelling
travel
 sharply increased.
Also
Linking Words
, there was a lot of change mode of
travell
Correct your spelling
travel
. A cursory glance at the data reveals that most
people
Use synonyms
 preferred using their private cars in 1985 consisting
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
3199 but in the year 2000, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 sharply increased using their cars from 3199 to 4806.
Also
Linking Words
, using Long-distance buses, trains, and taxis
people
Use synonyms
's accounts significantly grew from 1985 to 2000 and their figures rose by 70, 77, and 29, respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 using walking,
bicycles
Correct word choice
and bicycles
show examples
 slightly decreased and these were 255 in 1985 soared to 237 in the year 2000, and grew from 51 to 41, respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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