IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that exercise is the key to health while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both side and give your opinions.

#people #exercise #health #diet #side
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A certain majority of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
exercise
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 is the main point for health
while
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 others believe that having a maintained
diet
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 plan is more important. I personally believe that Botha is a major factor in living
life
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and I give you my opinion. On the one hand, nowadays more and more
people
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 are engaged in
exercise
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 for their health
life
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. majority of
people
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 believe that
exercise
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 is the key point of a healthy
life
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.
For instance
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, there for more
people
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 are joining the
gym
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. they go to the
gym
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 for at least a couple of months a day. Spend two, or three hours in the
gym
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 and they play to the heavy
exercise
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 for their healthy
life
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.
This
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 way
people
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 can take good healthy and maintain their body.
Moreover
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, other ones who do not engage
to
Change preposition
in
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 that
gym
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 and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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love to do physical
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exercise
Change the noun form
exercises
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such
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 as
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 out or yoga and meditation
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
believe
that
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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they can control healthy lives. As an example, someone loves to work one or two hours on the way.it is
also
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 more beneficial to
life
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. It
also
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 burns fat and can live a good
health
Replace the word
healthy
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life
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.
On the other hand
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, these days more and more
people
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 love to have a good healthy
life
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.
Therefore
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 they are trying to eat
diet
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 food. It is more beneficial than trying to stop eating fast food and more carbohydrates.
For example
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, some of them take
a advice
Remove the article
advice
a piece of advice
a bit of advice
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 from a nutrition doctor. They give good advice and give them
diet
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 plans too.
In addition
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,
people
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 who
are be
Change the verb form
are
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 a good healthy and they are don't have noncommunicable diseases. In conclusion,
exercise
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 and
diet
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 plans
is
Change the verb form
are
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 always needed to combine to the
people
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good
Correct article usage
a good
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 healthy
life
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. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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both are very important for
people
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 good healthy
life
Use synonyms
Submitted by ma.ushamanu1024 on

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task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument and provides a clear stance, demonstrating a solid response to the task. To further improve, make sure to expand your viewpoints with detailed explanations and enrich your argument with more varied examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. For better coherence, try using more linking words and phrases to smoothly transition between ideas and paragraphs.
supported main points
While supporting your main points, add more depth to your arguments by including precise examples and demonstrating how they are relevant to the topic. This will make your essay more persuasive and engaging.
task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is essential for this type of task.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay nicely and presents your overall stance effectively.
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