IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some countries achieve international success by building specialized facilities to train top athletes instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think it is a positive or negative development？

#countries #success #facilities #train #athletes #sports #development？
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that a
country
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to reach
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reaches
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international
Correct article usage
an international
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 reputation by establishing professional
facilities
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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elite
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athletes
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than
Rephrase
rather than
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 providing public
facilities
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 for citizens. In my opinion, it brings more negative impacts for a
country
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. On the one hand, people consider that the government
establishes
Wrong verb form
establishing
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 more professional
facilities
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 for
elite
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athletes
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 has positive influences on
a
Correct article usage
the
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 finance and image of a
country
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the government creates more income.
Elite
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athletes
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 will want to come
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this
Change preposition
to this
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country
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 for the top training,
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and as
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 a result, it can bring a
country
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 more income.
Secondly
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, establish a national
profession
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professional
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 image. In order to improve training efficiency and results,
elite
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athletes
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 from all over the world will willing to go
the
Change preposition
to the
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country
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 for training, which can help the
country
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 establish the professional image of
elite
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athletes
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.
On the other hand
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, I believe that it can endanger
to
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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individual
health
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 and cause
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 impact
to
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on
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 the public
nation
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national
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health
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 system. First of all, the issue of
obesity
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 will increase. As the residents
lacks
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lack
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 the
awreness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 of remaining
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health
Replace the word
healthy
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 by doing exercise,
therefore
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, it can lead to the result of increasing
obesity
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 rate.
Furthermore
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, unawareness of
obesity
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 will cause
heavy
Add an article
a heavy
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 medical burden. People have more
health
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 issues, and
as a result
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, the national medical system will face the incoming heavy burden. In conclusion, I believe that focusing on the establishment of
elite
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athletes
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 specialized
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facilities
Rephrase
rather
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then
Linking Words
 the public
facilities
Use synonyms
 for residents has more negative impacts, as it can lead to those two issues: the increase of
obesity
Use synonyms
 rate and heavy medical burden.
Submitted by cuggikem on

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Language accuracy
Be careful with your spelling (e.g., 'awreness' should be 'awareness', 'endanger' should be 'endangering') and grammatical accuracy, as small errors can slightly distract from the clarity of your arguments.
Developing arguments
Try to expand your ideas with more detailed examples. While you've provided reasons, adding specific, real-world examples could strengthen your arguments.
Balanced argument
Consider balancing your essay by discussing more positive aspects in depth to provide a fair comparison, as the prompt asks for a discussion of both positive and negative development.
Structure
Your essay structure is clear, making it easy to follow your argument.
Understanding prompt
You have made a good attempt to address the prompt by presenting both views, which reflects an understanding of the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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