Nowadays, older people who need employment have to compete with younger people. What problems does this cause? And what are the solutions?

#people #employment

These days,

old

Correct article usage

the old

show examples

population who need occupation have to conflict with

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

onse

Correct your spelling

ones

. I think

this

difficulty

is caused

Wrong verb form

causes

show examples

a number of problems

same

Correct word choice

such

show examples

as economic

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

show examples

, to solve these

governments

Change the noun form

government

show examples

action is essential.

To begin

with, jobs are

imporotant

Correct your spelling

important

for people,

specialy

Correct your spelling

especially

specially

elder citizens because they have

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

to care

and

Change preposition

for and

show examples

also

some

spends

Correct subject-verb agreement

spend

show examples

same

Correct article usage

the same

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

study fees and loan charges and to

tackel

Correct your spelling

tackle

these issues they need a

possition

Correct your spelling

position

to work in.

Although

, it is becoming a challenging duty because they have to compete with younger

employeers

Correct your spelling

employees

employers

Moreover

yought

Correct your spelling

you

are

more fresh

Replace the words

fresher

show examples

and they have more power

also

they can learn

easier

Rephrase

more easily

show examples

compare

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

to old

onse

Correct your spelling

ones

one

As a result

, aged adults have to reduce their

expectencies

Correct your spelling

expectancies

experiences

and apply for lower

postions

Correct your spelling

positions

so they will not do

they

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

main major.

Consequently

, they will earn less

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

struggle with hardships and have to work more hours to

respon

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respond

their

Change preposition

to their

show examples

basis

Replace the word

basic

show examples

needs. To

tackel

Correct your spelling

tackle

this problems

Change the determiner

this problem

these problems

show examples

authuroties

Correct your spelling

authorities

have to

intreduce

Correct your spelling

introduce

roles to

soppurt

Correct your spelling

support

that generation same as free insurance or

stabel

Correct your spelling

stable

mounthly

Correct your spelling

monthly

payment that can cover all basic needs.

For example

, in some developed countries when a person

reach

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reaches

show examples

his/her

meddle

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middle

show examples

ages

Fix the agreement mistake

age

show examples

they can have access to

verious

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various

type

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types

show examples

of functions that

provided

Add a missing verb

are provided

show examples

by governments same as scholarships for their children ,

free

Correct word choice

and free

show examples

healthcare so

this people

Change the determiner

this person

these people

show examples

will compete less and enjoy more

from

Change preposition

apply

show examples

life. In conclusion, nowadays

geting

Correct your spelling

getting

job

Correct article usage

a job

show examples

challenging

Add an article

a challenging

show examples

matter for

aged

Correct article usage

the aged

show examples

population and they have to

conflict

Verb problem

deal

show examples

with economic issues.

However

Change the capitalization

show examples

think

this

could be

tackeld

Correct your spelling

tackled

Add an article

an act

the act

show examples

act

Fix the agreement mistake

acts

show examples

of governments by

intruducing

Correct your spelling

introducing

some roles

for

Change preposition

show examples

cover their needs.

Submitted by soroushnorouzi0478 on Sat Apr 06 2024

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Structure

Try to structure your essay more clearly by including an introduction that directly addresses the question, at least two body paragraphs that discuss problems and solutions separately, and a conclusion that summarizes your main points.

Content Development

Focus on developing your ideas more fully. Each paragraph should contain a clear main idea, followed by explanations, examples, and results. This will help your essay achieve greater clarity and depth.

Language Accuracy

Work on your spelling, grammar, and vocabulary. Errors in these areas can make your essay harder to understand. Consider using a variety of sentence structures and checking your work carefully for mistakes.

Task Response

You've addressed both parts of the question, discussing problems and proposing solutions related to the employment competition between older and younger individuals.

Organization

You have attempted to organize your essay into paragraphs, which is an essential part of essay writing. Keep practicing this skill to improve clarity and flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
56Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays, older people who need employment have to compete with younger people. What problems does this cause? And what are the solutions?

Fully explain your ideas

An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operations to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development

Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe actions can be taken to bring about a change. Discuss both and give your opinion.

Some people think living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on inproving living standard on Earth. Do you argee or disargee?

Quang Ninh's economy has developed a lot in recent years. However, development of its economy has also resulted in some negative effects on the environment. What do you think are the main environmental problems and what solutions would you suggest?