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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, older people who need employment have to compete with younger people. What problems does this cause? And what are the solutions

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These days, the old population who need occupation have to conflict with the young ones. I think
this
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 difficulty causes a number of problems
such
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 as economic issues,
to
Correct word choice
and to
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 solve these government action is essential.
To begin
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 with, jobs are important for people, especially elder citizens because they have families to care for and
also
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 some spend the same on study fees and loan charges
and
Correct word choice
apply
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to tackle these issues they need a position to work in.
Although
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, it is becoming a challenging duty because they have to compete with younger employees.
Moreover
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,
younges
Correct your spelling
young
 are fresher and they have more power
also
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 they can learn more easily compared to old ones.
As a result
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, aged adults have to reduce their expectancies and apply for lower positions so they will not do their main major.
Consequently
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, they will earn less struggle with hardships and have to work more hours to respond to their basic needs. To tackle these problems, authorities have to introduce roles to support that generation
same
Correct word choice
such
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 as free insurance or stable monthly
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
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 that can cover all basic needs.
For example
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, in some developed countries when a person reaches his/her middle age they can have access to various types of functions that are provided by governments
same
Correct word choice
such
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 as scholarships for their children , and free healthcare so these people will compete less and enjoy more life. In conclusion, nowadays getting a job is a challenging matter for the aged population and they have to deal with economic issues.
However
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, I think
this
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 could be tackled by acts of governments by introducing some roles to cover their needs.

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Structuring
Try to break your paragraphs into clear, distinct sections with one main idea per paragraph. This will help in creating a more structured and comprehensible essay.
Supporting Examples
Aim to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Vocabulary
Be mindful of repetitiveness and work on using a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas. This not only enriches your essay but also shows your language proficiency.
Sentence Variety
Work on sentence variety to make your essay more engaging. Using different sentence structures can help maintain the reader’s interest throughout your essay.
Task Response
Ensure to answer all parts of the question directly. While your essay touches on the problems and solutions, aim for a more balanced discussion on each aspect.
Structure
You have a good sense of structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
Task Response
You have addressed both problems and solutions, which is crucial for the task.
Coherence
Your overall argument is coherent and follows a logical order, making it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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