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Band 7.5

It is a natural process when animal species become extinct , as dinosaurs died out in the past. There is no reason for people to prevent this from happening. To what extent do you agree or not?

#process #species #dinosaurs #reason #people
Some argue that the
extinction
 of animal
species
 is not a man-made process, and
people
 do not have any reason to halt
this
 before happening. To be honest, I partially agree with that statement, and I will support my ideas.
To begin
 with, every living beings are a part of
nature
. If animal
species
 are exposed to
extinction
, our lives will not be the same as it was in the past because all humans and animals are connected to each other, and there is a chain between them. If one chain breaks, it will result in the end of the whole chain.
While
 it is true that it is a tough task to interfere with the issue of
nature
,
however
, technology has created conducive conditions to preserve the animal
species
 from
extinction
 in some cases. To safeguard the animals, we will guarantee our future.
On the other hand
, some animal
species
 are really a threat to the presence of
people
. And there is no reason for
people
 to preserve them because
otherwise
, it may result in the death of
people
.
Additionally
, some natural processes are indeed inevitable, so
people
 cannot deal with the maintenance of animals, and it requires a lot of effort which
people
 cannot tackle.
For example
, in the past dinosaurs were killed by the explosion of a huge asteroid, and in
this
 situation,
people
 would not take precautions to save dinosaurs from dying.
To sum up
, the
extinction
 of animal
species
 is done by the mother
nature
.
Whereas
 it is true that
people
 should preserve them because every living being is an inherent part of
nature
, in some cases, it is not practical to save them because they are maybe so dangerous and it can require working hard.
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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure a clear logical progression between paragraphs. Transition phrases can help guide the reader more smoothly from one idea to the next.
Language
Introduce a wider variety of sentence structures for added complexity and interest in your writing.
Task Achievement
While providing examples helps support your main points, ensure that these examples are detailed and directly relevant to the argument you are making. Consider including more specific, real-world cases or historical examples if possible.
Task Achievement
You demonstrated a balanced view on the topic, acknowledging multiple perspectives and substantiating your points.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your main ideas are supported and developed throughout the essay, creating a strong foundation for your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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