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Writing Samples /
Band 3

Television as powerful educational tool or mindless entertainment ? What extent do you agree or disagree ?

#television #tool #entertainment
There is argue that television is
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
 teaching system or
fruitless
Correct article usage
a fruitless
show examples
 facility
?
Change the punctuation
.
show examples
 I believe
media
specially
Replace the word
especially
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Tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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 are aimed in
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
show examples
 direction and cannot be
beneficial
Add an article
a beneficial
show examples
 tool.
To begin
 with, one of the most common items that can be found in all homes is television and they can be very effective in both positive and negative
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
. Unfortunately,
this
 type of
media
 has been
miss
Wrong verb form
missed
show examples
leaded
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
and most of the shows and programs
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
just
contained
Wrong verb form
contain
show examples
 usual and useless information.
For example
, some
research's
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research
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indicate
Correct subject-verb agreement
indicates
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 that a significant number of
viwers
Correct your spelling
viewers
are just follow
Change the verb form
are just followed
are just following
show examples
 daily shows same as beauty and fashion trends that they are spreading some unrealistic
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
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 about life and unusable facts.
Additionally
, there are some channels
such
 as
national geographic
Correct your spelling
National Geographic
show examples
 that
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 numerous opportunities for
learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
 about our environment and
find
Wrong verb form
finding
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 out about nature.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
those programs do not have
advertisment
Correct your spelling
advertisements
, as a
results
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
, the audience
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 not aware of these options and just
follow
Correct subject-verb agreement
follows
show examples
 other news rather
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 positive data. In conclusion, I generally believe
media
 could be accurate and advantageous,
nonetheless
,
this
 has been
mis oriented
Add a hyphen
mis-oriented
show examples
 and their goals are just simple ones and the viewers are not aware of
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of
media
.
Submitted by soroushnorouzi0478 on

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Introduction
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic. You've started by mentioning the argument, but your stance could be stated more explicitly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices and transitions to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Supported Main Points
Develop your paragraphs with more detailed examples and explanations. Providing more specific instances or studies can enhance your argument's strength.
Coherence & Cohesion
Avoid general and sweeping statements. Focus on making specific, pointed arguments supported by evidence or examples.
Conclusion
Ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and clearly restates your position on the topic.
Sentence Variety
You have effectively used a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, which adds variety to your writing.
Balanced Argument
Identifying a potential positive use of television, such as educational programming, shows an attempt to present a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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