IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people believe that a person’s culture is defined by their country of origin, while others believe that it has only minor influence. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #person’s #culture #country #origin #influence
People
’s opinions differ about
degree
Add an article
the degree
show examples
 of
influence
 of
motherland’s
Correct article usage
the motherland’s
show examples
culture
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
. Personally, I believe that the
culture
 of our country of origin has less effect on us, rather than other things.
This
 essay will discuss both sides of
this
 view, and will widely explain the reasons to support my opinion based on
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 examples. On the one hand, some
people
 believe that the birth nation has an important role in setting an individual’s
culture
,
due to
 several reasons. The supporters of
this
 point of view are sure that one’s behaviour starts to develop in the womb.
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 they say:
people
 learn the
culture
 even before they were born.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
 travel everywhere and even live
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the other side of
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
, they will always be connected to their motherland, since they developed an emotional attachment
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their birth place’s
culture
.
For example
, Irina
Sheyk
Correct your spelling
Shayk
, a very popular fashion model from Russia, even though, she spent most of her life in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States of America,
she
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
never lost her love towards Russian traditional cuisine or wear.
For
this
 reason, many
people
 think that an individual’s birthplace plays a dramatic role in defining the
culture
.
On the other hand
, the opponents of
this
, including me, think that native location has a minor
influence
 on behaviour development. Many researches have proved that humans are capable of adapting to any conditions and traditions. There is even a proverb
such
 as “
Don”t
Correct your spelling
Don't
 go to someone”s monastery with your rules”. Many
people
 prefer to stick to foreign traditions, where they live and forget about their
owns
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own
show examples
.
For example
, I’ve met many
kazakh
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Kazakh
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 families, which
live
Wrong verb form
have lived
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several
Change preposition
for several
show examples
 years in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 Kingdom, and they are fond of
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
 life
culture
, their practicality and callousness, which totally contradict
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
kazakh’s
Change noun form
kazakh
show examples
 lifestyle.
Due to
this
 trend in society, I strongly believe that native locations have less
influence
 in defining the character of the person. In conclusion,
although
 some
people
 think that the
culture
 of an individual depends on their
birthplaces
Fix the agreement mistake
birthplace
show examples
, it has been increasingly noticed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 humans are adapting to various cultures
due to
 their location
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
today or
their
Change the word
the
show examples
influence
 of globalization.
Submitted by perizatyelemessova on

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Vocabulary
Try to diversify your vocabulary by using synonyms and avoiding repetition of the same words or phrases to improve the richness of your language.
Grammar
Pay close attention to consistency in tense usage throughout your essay to maintain clarity and coherence.
Grammar
Consider using a wider range of grammatical structures to add variety to your writing and demonstrate a high level of English competency.
Content Development
Be sure to fully develop your examples with more detailed explanation. While the examples you provide are relevant, expanding on them could further strengthen your argument.
Punctuation
Work on your punctuation, especially the use of commas and periods, to enhance the readability of your sentences.
Structure
You have a good structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes your essay easy to follow.
Task Response
You successfully discussed both views on the topic and provided a clear personal stance, effectively fulfilling the task requirements.
Examples
Your use of examples, such as the reference to Irina Sheyk and Kazakh families in the UK, effectively supports your arguments.
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