Smart devices have put all of the world’s information at our fingertips. The benefits of this development are obvious, but what are the drawbacks?

#devices #world’s #information #fingertips #development

The

internet

is one of the most astonishing breakthroughs of the digital era. Given

this

, the

internet

connects the globe’s

information

through

electronical

Correct your spelling

electronic

devices

, which can be accessed anywhere. Albeit, smart

devices

are

Verb problem

apply

show examples

unfortunately

accounted

Wrong verb form

account

show examples

for the disturbance of privacy and being

such

convenient

devices

, they can often lead to addiction.

Information

about

individuals

on the

internet

spread

Wrong verb form

spreads

show examples

in a matter of minutes; being

such

a large network, it is almost impossible to control.

For example

, Taylor Swift wears disguises to alter her appearance in the hopes of not being identified,

otherwise

Add a comma

otherwise,

show examples

her location will be available

for

Change preposition

show examples

the entire world in a few minutes.

Moreover

, these

devices

can

also

distribute personal images and videos of not only celebrities

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but everyday people.

Thus

, the

internet

undoubtedly disrupts the privacy of people. The

internet

is a gateway to obtain

information

on almost everything, which results in the majority of

individuals

constantly being on mobile

devices

For instance

, a study at Harvard University found that

individuals

can get the same withdrawal symptoms of a drug addict when taking their

electronical

Correct your spelling

electronic

devices

away.

Furthermore

, with the

internet

came the invention of social media platforms that

allows

Correct subject-verb agreement

allow

show examples

people to post

information

daily,

this

is undeniably a cause for excessive

screentime

Correct your spelling

screen time

show examples

. Knowing

this

, it is evident that some human beings are addicted to the

internet

Capitalize word

Internet

show examples

. In conclusion, the

internet

is responsible for the lack of privacy and addiction among

individuals

. It is

Change preposition

apply

show examples

my opinion that the disadvantages of the

internet

Capitalize word

Internet

show examples

far outweigh the advantages.

Thus

, chaos will break out if the

internet

continuous

Replace the word

continues

show examples

to control the human population.

Submitted by jessicajreichel on Sat Apr 06 2024

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Task Response

Try to balance the exploration of both benefits and drawbacks in the essay to provide a more comprehensive answer to the question.

Task Response

Introduce counterarguments or considerations of benefits to provide a nuanced view of the topic. This can enhance the depth of your analysis.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to show connections between your ideas and paragraphs more clearly. This will strengthen your essay's overall coherence and cohesion.

Coherence and Cohesion

Consider organizing your essay into clear, distinct paragraphs, each representing a unique main idea or argument. This structure helps readability and demonstrates your ability to organize thoughts logically.

Examples

Provided specific, relevant examples to support main points, such as the reference to Taylor Swift and the Harvard University study.

Structure

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.

Task Response

You have clearly expressed your opinion, demonstrating a good understanding of the task requirements.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – advantages
Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

The main advantage is...
The disadvantage of this...
The main benefit...
Despite these advantages...
One possible drawback...

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

264 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Smart devices have put all of the world’s information at our fingertips. The benefits of this development are obvious, but what are the drawbacks?

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money others argue that it is better to try and improve such situation discuss both views and give your own opinion

With the technological development, some people think technology reduce crime, but some people think it encourage crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree and give your own opinion

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary schools rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

In many cities, there is little control on the design and construction of new houses, so people can build houses in their own styles rather than building them with the same style as the old houses in the local area. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?