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Writing Samples
Band 5

Smart devices have put all of the world’s information at our fingertips. The benefits of this development are obvious, but what are the drawbacks?

#devices #world’s #information #fingertips #development
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The
internet
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 is one of the most astonishing breakthroughs of the digital era. Given
this
Linking Words
, the
internet
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 connects the globe’s
information
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 through
electronical
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electronic
devices
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, which can be accessed anywhere. Albeit, smart
devices
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are
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apply
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unfortunately
accounted
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account
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 for the disturbance of privacy and being
such
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 convenient
devices
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, they can often lead to addiction.
Information
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 about
individuals
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 on the
internet
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spread
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spreads
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 in a matter of minutes; being
such
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 a large network, it is almost impossible to control.
For example
Linking Words
, Taylor Swift wears disguises to alter her appearance in the hopes of not being identified,
Linking Words
otherwise
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otherwise,
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 her location will be available
for
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to
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 the entire world in a few minutes.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these
devices
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 can
also
Linking Words
 distribute personal images and videos of not only celebrities
,
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apply
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 but everyday people.
Thus
Linking Words
, the
internet
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 undoubtedly disrupts the privacy of people. The
internet
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 is a gateway to obtain
information
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 on almost everything, which results in the majority of
individuals
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 constantly being on mobile
devices
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study at Harvard University found that
individuals
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 can get the same withdrawal symptoms of a drug addict when taking their
electronical
Correct your spelling
electronic
devices
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 away.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with the
internet
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 came the invention of social media platforms that
allows
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allow
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 people to post
information
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 daily,
this
Linking Words
 is undeniably a cause for excessive
screentime
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screen time
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. Knowing
this
Linking Words
, it is evident that some human beings are addicted to the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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. In conclusion, the
internet
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 is responsible for the lack of privacy and addiction among
individuals
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. It is
of
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apply
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my opinion that the disadvantages of the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 far outweigh the advantages.
Thus
Linking Words
, chaos will break out if the
internet
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continuous
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continues
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 to control the human population.
Submitted by jessicajreichel on

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Task Response
Try to balance the exploration of both benefits and drawbacks in the essay to provide a more comprehensive answer to the question.
Task Response
Introduce counterarguments or considerations of benefits to provide a nuanced view of the topic. This can enhance the depth of your analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to show connections between your ideas and paragraphs more clearly. This will strengthen your essay's overall coherence and cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider organizing your essay into clear, distinct paragraphs, each representing a unique main idea or argument. This structure helps readability and demonstrates your ability to organize thoughts logically.
Examples
Provided specific, relevant examples to support main points, such as the reference to Taylor Swift and the Harvard University study.
Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
Task Response
You have clearly expressed your opinion, demonstrating a good understanding of the task requirements.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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