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Band 5

Smart devices have put all of the world’s information at our fingertips. The benefits of this development are obvious, but what are the drawbacks?

#devices #world’s #information #fingertips #development
The
internet
 is one of the most astonishing breakthroughs of the digital era. Given
this
, the
internet
 connects the globe’s
information
 through
electronical
Correct your spelling
electronic
devices
, which can be accessed anywhere. Albeit, smart
devices
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
unfortunately
accounted
Wrong verb form
account
show examples
 for the disturbance of privacy and being
such
 convenient
devices
, they can often lead to addiction.
Information
 about
individuals
 on the
internet
spread
Wrong verb form
spreads
show examples
 in a matter of minutes; being
such
 a large network, it is almost impossible to control.
For example
, Taylor Swift wears disguises to alter her appearance in the hopes of not being identified,
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
 her location will be available
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the entire world in a few minutes.
Moreover
, these
devices
 can
also
 distribute personal images and videos of not only celebrities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but everyday people.
Thus
, the
internet
 undoubtedly disrupts the privacy of people. The
internet
 is a gateway to obtain
information
 on almost everything, which results in the majority of
individuals
 constantly being on mobile
devices
.
For instance
, a study at Harvard University found that
individuals
 can get the same withdrawal symptoms of a drug addict when taking their
electronical
Correct your spelling
electronic
devices
 away.
Furthermore
, with the
internet
 came the invention of social media platforms that
allows
Correct subject-verb agreement
allow
show examples
 people to post
information
 daily,
this
 is undeniably a cause for excessive
screentime
Correct your spelling
screen time
show examples
. Knowing
this
, it is evident that some human beings are addicted to the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. In conclusion, the
internet
 is responsible for the lack of privacy and addiction among
individuals
. It is
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my opinion that the disadvantages of the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 far outweigh the advantages.
Thus
, chaos will break out if the
internet
continuous
Replace the word
continues
show examples
 to control the human population.
Submitted by jessicajreichel on

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Task Response
Try to balance the exploration of both benefits and drawbacks in the essay to provide a more comprehensive answer to the question.
Task Response
Introduce counterarguments or considerations of benefits to provide a nuanced view of the topic. This can enhance the depth of your analysis.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to show connections between your ideas and paragraphs more clearly. This will strengthen your essay's overall coherence and cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider organizing your essay into clear, distinct paragraphs, each representing a unique main idea or argument. This structure helps readability and demonstrates your ability to organize thoughts logically.
Examples
Provided specific, relevant examples to support main points, such as the reference to Taylor Swift and the Harvard University study.
Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
Task Response
You have clearly expressed your opinion, demonstrating a good understanding of the task requirements.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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