IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

12.The range and quality of foods have been improved with the development of technology and scientific advance. Some people think it is a good development while others consider it harmful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#range #quality #foods #development #technology #advance #people
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Food processing technology has improved the variety of foods available and their quality. A portion of society argues that it is a beneficial advancement
while
 others contend that it has negative
effects
. Both of the viewpoints have their own rationale but I reckon that
overall
 it has improved the eatables.
To begin
 with, there are many improvements caused by the scientific advances in
the
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edible items. At
first,
it
has
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decreased the
overall
 perishability of the eatable items. Many methods have been introduced to increase the shelf-life of the products.
For instance
, pasteurization has improved
the
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dairy products. Nowadays, dairy can be stored for a longer period of time than
the
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in the
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 past.
Consequently
, it resulted in the sustainability of
the
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agriculture. The overload of produce waste and production demands
had
Wrong verb form
has
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 caused numerous environmental damages in the past.
Hence
, the produce storage techniques and advancements in
the
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food storage
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 lowered the burden on the fields. Now, the ecosystem is more sustainable than the bygone era.
On the contrary
, the contenders think that
the
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technology has adverse
effects
 on
the
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human well-being. One argument provided by
such
 people is that a plethora of
the
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food additives added to the perishable items to preserve them are dangerous to
the
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human health.
For instance
, many studies suggest that preservatives have carcinogenic
effects
 on the genetic material of the organisms.
Hence
, they do not favour
such
 kind of advances in
the
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biochemical science and believe that
it
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they
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 have damaged
the
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well-being.
To conclude
, it is crucial that the production and
the
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storage of
the
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agricultural produce
becomes
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become
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 sustainable and reduce any environmental pressure.
However
, the worries of arguers about the harmful
effects
 of the chemicals on
the
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living organisms are concerning. In a nutshell, people have benefited from the advances in the science.
Submitted by Kiran on

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task achievement
To further improve, try to include more diverse and specific examples to support your main points. This will not only strengthen your argument but also make it more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance coherence. This will make transitions between ideas smoother, helping the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Consider both sides of the argument evenly. While your personal opinion is clear and well-justified, ensuring that both views are explored to the same depth will enhance balance in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
You've done well to introduce and conclude your essay, clearly stating your opinion and summarizing the main arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical structure throughout, making it easy for readers to follow your line of reasoning.
task achievement
The essay sufficiently addresses the prompt, providing a balanced view and clearly stating your own stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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