In some countries, people's weight has significantly increased, while their levels of health have decreased. What do you think may be the causes of this problem,and what solutions can you suggest to solve them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #people #weight #levels #health

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In recent years,more and more

people

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has

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have

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become overweight and their

physcial

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physical

fitness level has declined and it has created

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apply

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great concern among some countries.In my opinion,the major causes

for

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show examples

this

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problem

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are

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availability

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the availability

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of unhealthy

foods

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as well as

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technological advancements.To address

this

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problem

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effectively,the governments should raise awareness about

detrimental

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the detrimental

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effects of these

foods

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and levying high taxes on them. One major factor that

cause

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causes

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becoming

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apply

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obesity is that

people

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eat junk

foods

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excessively because they are cheaper than healthy ones.

Consequently

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people

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,particularly those who have a limited budget are more inclined to consume these unhealthy options.

For example

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,in the USA,the prices of fast

foods

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such

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hamburger

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hamburgers

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and pizza are more accessible than healthy ones in restaurants and

as a result

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people

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tend to purchase these types of

foods

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,which ultimately leads to increased weight

amond

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among

residents.Another primary reason is that as technologies have made

easier

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apply

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residents' lives ,they prefer convenience rather than doing physical activities and

consequently

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,it leads to a decrease in their physical fitness.

For instance

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,as public transportation

have

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has

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made

easier

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it easier

show examples

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people's

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for people's

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life to commute

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apply

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short distances ,they use transportation

instead

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of going for a walk and it results in

decreasing

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a decreasing

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level of fitness. To eradicate

this

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problem

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,there are several effective

way

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ways

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Firstly

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the

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apply

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state officials should raise awareness among

people

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regarding

deleterious

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the deleterious

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effects of these

foods

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because residents are not aware of the consequences of them and

as a

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result

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result,

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they consume

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them

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excessively.By giving information about its adverse effects,

people

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can deter from

to purchase

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purchasing

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it and think about second time before eating it.

Furthermore

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,the government should impose high taxes on fast

foods

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as a result

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,it can be

deterrent

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a deterrent

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way for consumers

as well as

Linking Words

enticing

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entice

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them to buy healthy options. All in all,excessive consumption of junk

foodshas

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foods has

food has

created

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apply

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great concern among some countries.I believe that it might happen because of

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the accesibility

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accesibility

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accessibility

fast-

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fast foods

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foods

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as well as

Linking Words

tendency

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a tendency

the tendency

show examples

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for

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convenience and it is possible to solve

this

Linking Words

problem

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by giving information about its negative impacts and putting high taxes on them.

Submitted by Name_1234 on Sun Apr 07 2024

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Sentence Structure

Try to add more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance the coherence and sophistication of your essay. While the basic structure is good, more variation can make your argument more engaging and easier to follow.

Supporting Examples

Although you have introduced specific examples to support your points, incorporating a wider range of detailed examples can further strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.

Linking Words

To improve coherence, consider using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. This can make your essay flow better and help the reader understand the relationship between your ideas.

Structure

You provided a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay.

Task Response

Your essay tackles both causes and solutions to the problem, addressing the task comprehensively.

Argument Development

The main points are generally well-supported and organized, making your argument relatively clear and logical.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

331 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
malnutrition
sedentary lifestyle
processed foods
nutritional value
caloric intake
physical inactivity
metabolic disorders
public health policies
holistic wellness
sustainable eating habits
urban planning
dietary guidelines
exercise regimen
preventive measures

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