In some countries, people's weight has significantly increased, while their levels of health have decreased. What do you think may be the causes of this problem,and what solutions can you suggest to solve them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent years,more and more
people
has
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have
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become overweight and their
physcial
Correct your spelling
physical
fitness level has declined and it has created
a
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apply
show examples
great concern among some countries.In my opinion,the major causes
for
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of
show examples
this
problem
is
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are
show examples
availability
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the availability
show examples
of unhealthy
foods
as well as
technological advancements.To address
this
problem
effectively,the governments should raise awareness about
detrimental
Correct article usage
the detrimental
show examples
effects of these
foods
and levying high taxes on them. One major factor that
cause
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causes
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becoming
Verb problem
apply
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obesity is that
people
eat junk
foods
excessively because they are cheaper than healthy ones.
Consequently
,
people
,particularly those who have a limited budget are more inclined to consume these unhealthy options.
For example
,in the USA,the prices of fast
foods
such
as
hamburger
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hamburgers
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and pizza are more accessible than healthy ones in restaurants and
as a result
,
people
tend to purchase these types of
foods
,which ultimately leads to increased weight
amond
Correct your spelling
among
residents.Another primary reason is that as technologies have made
easier
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
residents' lives ,they prefer convenience rather than doing physical activities and
consequently
,it leads to a decrease in their physical fitness.
For instance
,as public transportation
have
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has
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made
easier
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it easier
show examples
people's
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for people's
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life to commute
to
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apply
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short distances ,they use transportation
instead
of going for a walk and it results in
decreasing
Correct article usage
a decreasing
show examples
level of fitness. To eradicate
this
problem
,there are several effective
way
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ways
show examples
.
Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
state officials should raise awareness among
people
regarding
deleterious
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the deleterious
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effects of these
foods
because residents are not aware of the consequences of them and
as a
result
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result,
show examples
they consume
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
excessively.By giving information about its adverse effects,
people
can deter from
to purchase
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purchasing
show examples
it and think about second time before eating it.
Furthermore
,the government should impose high taxes on fast
foods
,
as a result
,it can be
deterrent
Add an article
a deterrent
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way for consumers
as well as
enticing
Wrong verb form
entice
show examples
them to buy healthy options. All in all,excessive consumption of junk
foodshas
Correct your spelling
foods has
food has
created
a
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apply
show examples
great concern among some countries.I believe that it might happen because of
Correct article usage
the accesibility
show examples
accesibility
Correct your spelling
accessibility
of
fast-
Correct your spelling
fast foods
show examples
foods
as well as
tendency
Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
convenience and it is possible to solve
this
problem
by giving information about its negative impacts and putting high taxes on them.
Submitted by Name_1234 on

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Grammar and Accuracy
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Sentence Structure
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Supporting Examples
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Linking Words
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Structure
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Task Response
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Argument Development
The main points are generally well-supported and organized, making your argument relatively clear and logical.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • malnutrition
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • processed foods
  • nutritional value
  • caloric intake
  • physical inactivity
  • metabolic disorders
  • public health policies
  • holistic wellness
  • sustainable eating habits
  • urban planning
  • dietary guidelines
  • exercise regimen
  • preventive measures
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