IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The migration of people from farming areas to municipalities to work can create severe difficulties in both places. What are the serious problem ? What measures can be taken to solve these problems.

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Relocating the population from the countryside to modern cities for job opportunities might have many issues in both locations. I believe it can reduce the number of people who work in the agricultural industry and gradually the people would challenged by lack of the food sources.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the modern and reformed metropolis are a popular range for the majority of the citizens because they offer numerous numbers of chances for adults to work and gain reasonable salaries,
by contrast
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, grownups who work in farming
areas
Use synonyms
 and deal with more hardships ،their payment about half of the workers in reformed cities.
As a result
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, staff consider living in rural is more convenient and
also
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 they can live better.
Moreover
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, the number of facilities that are provided in central locations
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 uncountable,
although
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, communities who live in urban are unable to take benefit of it so prefer to change their living place. To tackle
this
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 problem up is essential to provide equality for all levels of society and avoid categorizing
areas
Use synonyms
 for distributing wealth.
For instance
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, In some cases, governments of modern countries have provided loans for those who want to live in the countryside and they provide a good road system and schools for the community and people from all walks of life are returning to their first living area.
Subsequently
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, if farming
areas
Use synonyms
 disappeared in the long term humans would struggle with the shortage of ingredients because a significant number of our products have been brought to us by that community. Another drawback is by gradually ignoring farm locations those places will destroyed and we lose the chance of having a natural and clean environment.
For example
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, after the Industrial Revolution, a massive digit of families relocated to modern
areas
Use synonyms
 and their natural places were eliminated and reformed into high-raised buildings. In conclusion, moving the population from local
areas
Use synonyms
 to modern cities has many disadvantages
such
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 as a lack of food sources and the danger of destroying natural habitats. To solve
this
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 problem, governments could provide some support for those families and make their lives more convenient.

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Grammar/Word choice
Consider revising sentences for clarity and grammatical accuracy. While small inaccuracies don't majorly impact the score, refining them can enhance the overall readability.
Detail/Example Enhancement
To bolster your argument, delve deeper into your examples. Providing more detailed and specific instances can both enhance your argument's persuasiveness and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Logical flow
While your essay demonstrates a good structure, be mindful of transitions between paragraphs. Seamless transitions help in reinforcing the logical flow of ideas.
Structure
You have a well-structured essay with a clear introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, which aids in effectively presenting your argument.
Relevance
Your essay addresses the topic directly and provides relevant arguments and examples, demonstrating your understanding of the issue at hand.
Vocabulary
The variety of vocabulary used in your essay is commendable and adds to the richness of your discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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