Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

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Some
individuals
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argue that violence through
TV
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and
computer
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games
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has a negative influence on
society
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while
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other
people
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say that the impact of
television
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and
games
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is not remarkable. I think
television
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and
computer
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gaming don't have a negative influence on the behaviour of
people
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. Nowadays,
television
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and
computer
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games
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don’t have destroyed
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people’s
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behaviour. I believe that the bad action of a person in
society
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has several reasons.
For example
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, if some
individuals
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do bad actions in
society
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the reasons could be copying a friend’s action or experiencing violence at home.
Furthermore
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, psychologically it can be genetically too.
For instance
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, if the parents or grandparents of a person were aggressive
therefore
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the son or grandson might be truculent. In my opinion,
TV
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programs or gaming don’t have any effect on
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people’s
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behaviour.
Moreover
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,
television
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and gaming provide
individuals
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with more curiosity and knowledge. Gaming helps
people
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raise the speed of concentration.
For example
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, if a person plays a game he or she tries to win the game and it needs more focus to not lose the game.
Additionally
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,
this
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concentration helps
individuals
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in the time of reading.
Moreover
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,
television
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by providing different programs increases
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people’s
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awareness.
For instance
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, football
games
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led the population to know which team won the football match.
Consequently
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,
TV
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and gaming provide
people
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with several advantages.
To conclude
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, there is an argument that
television
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and gaming have disadvantages in
society
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while
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some other says it is not highlightable. I believe
TV
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media and
computer
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games
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don’t have to destroy
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people’s
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morale
instead
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they provide
people
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with positive advantages.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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Introduction Clarity
Ensure you directly address the question prompt in your introduction to firmly establish your position.
Coherence Enhancement
Consider using a wider variety of linking words and transitional phrases to enhance coherence between ideas.
Supporting Examples
Offer concrete examples or data to support your main points; this will enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
Task Response
You've maintained a clear position throughout the essay, effectively addressing the task.
Conclusion Strength
Your conclusion effectively recaps your opinion and the main reasons for it, providing a strong closure.
Logical Structure
The logical flow of ideas is maintained well, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
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