Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

#people #violence #television #computer #games #effect #society #factors #influence #behaviour

Some

individuals

argue that violence through

and

computer

games

has a negative influence on

society

while

other

people

say that the impact of

television

and

games

is not remarkable. I think

television

and

computer

gaming don't have a negative influence on the behaviour of

people

. Nowadays,

television

and

computer

games

don’t have destroyed

people’s

behaviour. I believe that the bad action of a person in

society

has several reasons.

For example

, if some

individuals

do bad actions in

society

the reasons could be copying a friend’s action or experiencing violence at home.

Furthermore

, psychologically it can be genetically too.

For instance

, if the parents or grandparents of a person were aggressive

therefore

the son or grandson might be truculent. In my opinion,

programs or gaming don’t have any effect on

people’s

behaviour.

Moreover

television

and gaming provide

individuals

with more curiosity and knowledge. Gaming helps

people

raise the speed of concentration.

For example

, if a person plays a game he or she tries to win the game and it needs more focus to not lose the game.

Additionally

this

concentration helps

individuals

in the time of reading.

Moreover

television

by providing different programs increases

people’s

awareness.

For instance

, football

games

led the population to know which team won the football match.

Consequently

and gaming provide

people

with several advantages.

To conclude

, there is an argument that

television

and gaming have disadvantages in

society

while

some other says it is not highlightable. I believe

media and

computer

games

don’t have to destroy

people’s

morale

instead

they provide

people

with positive advantages.

Submitted by hsmkashi on Sun Apr 07 2024

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Introduction Clarity

Ensure you directly address the question prompt in your introduction to firmly establish your position.

Coherence Enhancement

Consider using a wider variety of linking words and transitional phrases to enhance coherence between ideas.

Supporting Examples

Offer concrete examples or data to support your main points; this will enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.

Task Response

You've maintained a clear position throughout the essay, effectively addressing the task.

Conclusion Strength

Your conclusion effectively recaps your opinion and the main reasons for it, providing a strong closure.

Logical Structure

The logical flow of ideas is maintained well, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

264 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

pivotal
desensitize
catalyst
predisposed
harmless outlet
distinguish
controlled environments
empirical research
minimal or no direct correlation
socio-economic status
predisposition

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Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

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