Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?

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Some
individuals
argue that violence through
TV
and
computer
games
has a negative influence on
society
while
other
people
say that the impact of
television
and
games
is not remarkable. I think
television
and
computer
gaming don't have a negative influence on the behaviour of
people
. Nowadays,
television
and
computer
games
don’t have destroyed
people’s
behaviour. I believe that the bad action of a person in
society
has several reasons.
For example
, if some
individuals
do bad actions in
society
the reasons could be copying a friend’s action or experiencing violence at home.
Furthermore
, psychologically it can be genetically too.
For instance
, if the parents or grandparents of a person were aggressive
therefore
the son or grandson might be truculent. In my opinion,
TV
programs or gaming don’t have any effect on
people’s
behaviour.
Moreover
,
television
and gaming provide
individuals
with more curiosity and knowledge. Gaming helps
people
raise the speed of concentration.
For example
, if a person plays a game he or she tries to win the game and it needs more focus to not lose the game.
Additionally
,
this
concentration helps
individuals
in the time of reading.
Moreover
,
television
by providing different programs increases
people’s
awareness.
For instance
, football
games
led the population to know which team won the football match.
Consequently
,
TV
and gaming provide
people
with several advantages.
To conclude
, there is an argument that
television
and gaming have disadvantages in
society
while
some other says it is not highlightable. I believe
TV
media and
computer
games
don’t have to destroy
people’s
morale
instead
they provide
people
with positive advantages.
Submitted by hsmkashi on

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Introduction Clarity
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Coherence Enhancement
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Supporting Examples
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Task Response
You've maintained a clear position throughout the essay, effectively addressing the task.
Conclusion Strength
Your conclusion effectively recaps your opinion and the main reasons for it, providing a strong closure.
Logical Structure
The logical flow of ideas is maintained well, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • pivotal
  • desensitize
  • catalyst
  • predisposed
  • harmless outlet
  • distinguish
  • controlled environments
  • empirical research
  • minimal or no direct correlation
  • socio-economic status
  • predisposition
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