In many cities, problems related to overpopulation are becoming more common. Some governments are now encouraging businesses and individuals to move out of cities to rural areas. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
One of the most prevalent trends in
this
contemporary world is migration
of Add an article
the migration
a migration
majority
of Add an article
the majority
people
towards cities from rural areas
as they feel that they can get more facilities in cities as compare
to regional Change the form of the verb
compared
areas
. While
it is possible to claim that people
enjoy more praceful
days in villages as Correct your spelling
peaceful
compare
to the hustle and bustle of Wrong verb form
compared
city
, my view is that Add an article
the city
benefits
outweigh the drawbacks. In Correct article usage
the benefits
this
eassy
, I will examine both sides of the argument.
Correct your spelling
essay
easy
To begin
with, there are number
of Change the article
a number
the number
reason
why I support that Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
people
have good
life in rural Add an article
a good
areas
. First
and foremost reason is that Add an article
The first
masses
can enjoy more time in rural Correct article usage
the masses
areas
as they will not stuck in traffic while
commuting to work or to
home from Change preposition
apply
Correct pronoun usage
their job
job
. Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
In addition
, public
can have Add an article
the public
access
to fresh eatables as they can grow fruits and vegetables in their own houses because land
is cheaper in regional Add an article
the land
areas
as compare
to metropolitan Change the form of the verb
compared
areas
. There will be less
patients in rural Change the quantifier
fewer
areas
as the people
will have access
to fresh food, air and water. For instance
, Tasmania is world's
only state where one can inhale Correct article usage
the world's
purest
form of oxygen as Change the article
the purest
compare
to all over the world. Change the form of the verb
compared
Therefore
, the governments are encouraging business
to move out of cities as it will give Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
access
to more jobs to citizens of countryside
.
Add an article
the countryside
Furthermore
, it can be taken into account that inhabitants have less
amenities in Change the quantifier
fewer
country
area. Add an article
a country
the country
Although
, many Correct word choice
However
people
have challenged this
claim on the ground
that their kids do not get enough Fix the agreement mistake
grounds
access
to good education in schools. Students do not get sports classes and cannot obtain other recreational activities due to
less competition. As a result
, sometime
they feel that it is not good to live in Replace the word
sometimes
countryside
.
Add an article
the countryside
While
there are compelling arguments on both sides, my personal sentiments are on a
par with the idea that if ministers want the population to move to Correct article usage
apply
regional
area, they should open schools and universities first in that area so that students can get quality education and in Add an article
a regional
turn
it will Add a comma
turn,
also
increase the employment opportunities for the public.Submitted by kaurv083 on
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task achievement
Make sure your essay stays on topic throughout, addressing the advantages and disadvantages directly without veering off into unrelated areas.
coherence cohesion
For stronger coherence, try to create smoother transitions between paragraphs.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. Your example of Tasmania is good, but additional examples could further strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and clearly define your stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in your essay with separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported, making your arguments more persuasive.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example