In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?

#cultures #children #massage

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In some countries, kids are informed that they

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

achieve anything if they try their best. There are some benefits and drawbacks of

this

Linking Words

. One of

main

Add an article

the main

show examples

advantages is that it can cultivate children’s perseverance.

This

Linking Words

is because people often doubt themselves especially when they fail, and

then

Linking Words

give up early.

Hence

Linking Words

, understanding that effort can overcome obstacles

encourage

Correct subject-verb agreement

encourages

show examples

them to make persistent efforts, which may lead to the final

success

Use synonyms

Furthermore

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

trait makes it possible for one’s future

accomplishment

Fix the agreement mistake

accomplishments

show examples

both in career and academics.

For example

Linking Words

, many world champions have trained hard since their youth as their coach stimulated them that the harder they

work

Use synonyms

the more likely they would win. Had it not been for the belief, they would not

persevere

Wrong verb form

have persevered

show examples

in improvement,

get

Wrong verb form

gotten

show examples

through the extremely difficult times and

gain

Wrong verb form

gained

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

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accomplishment. Turning on the drawbacks of the message, it creates unrealistic

expectations

Use synonyms

: continuously telling children they can achieve anything through hard

work

Use synonyms

may set unrealistic

expectations

Use synonyms

, contributing to disappointment when they encounter insurmountable obstacles.

In addition

Linking Words

to hard

work

Use synonyms

success

Use synonyms

is a combination of factors,

such

Linking Words

as opportunities, luck and time.

Therefore

Linking Words

, not everything can be achieved by

efforts

Fix the agreement mistake

effort

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

image

Replace the word

imagine

show examples

a child who is passionately interested in becoming an astronaut, working tirelessly towards

this

Linking Words

dream with the belief that hard

work

Use synonyms

alone will guarantee a place in space. Despite excellent grades and a strong

work

Use synonyms

ethic, they might face unanticipated barriers like stringent physical requirements, highly competitive selection processes, or unforeseen health issues.

This

Linking Words

scenario exemplifies how nurturing the belief that hard

work

Use synonyms

guarantees

success

Use synonyms

can lead to unrealistic

expectations

Use synonyms

, potentially setting the stage for significant disappointment when confronted with the complex realities of achieving

such

Linking Words

highly specific and competitive goals. In conclusion, telling the children they can achieve anything through hard

work

Use synonyms

can build up their perseverance.

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

message

also

Linking Words

risks setting unrealistic

expectations

Use synonyms

, ignoring the multifaceted nature of

success

Use synonyms

Submitted by 609438328 on Sun Apr 07 2024

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Grammar

Be mindful of typos and slight grammatical inaccuracies (e.g., 'One of main advantages...') to enhance clarity and professionalism.

Sentence Variety

Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and engagement. Repetitive structures can make the essay seem monotonous.

Coherence

Try to provide a clearer distinction between each paragraph's main idea to improve the logical flow of the essay. Introducing subheadings or clearer transition phrases could aid in this.

Content

Your essay offers a balanced view on the topic, exploring both advantages and disadvantages effectively.

Example Use

You've included relevant examples to support your arguments, which makes your essay more convincing.

Conclusion

The conclusion nicely encapsulates your main points, effectively summarizing the advantages and disadvantages while reaffirming your position.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

320 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Encouragement
Motivation
Determination
Work Ethic
Persistence
Self-esteem
Confidence
Challenges
Unrealistic Expectations
Disappointment
Frustration
Limitations
External Factors
Pressure
Stress
Anxiety
Mental Health

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?

Your opinion

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are acomplete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Some believe that exercise is important for health while others think that balanced diet is more important. Discuss both points and give your opinion.