In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?

#cultures #children #massage

In some countries, kids are informed that they

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

achieve anything if they try their best. There are some benefits and drawbacks of

this

. One of

main

Add an article

the main

show examples

advantages is that it can cultivate children’s perseverance.

This

is because people often doubt themselves especially when they fail, and

then

give up early.

Hence

, understanding that effort can overcome obstacles

encourage

Correct subject-verb agreement

encourages

show examples

them to make persistent efforts, which may lead to the final

success

Furthermore

this

trait makes it possible for one’s future

accomplishment

Fix the agreement mistake

accomplishments

show examples

both in career and academics.

For example

, many world champions have trained hard since their youth as their coach stimulated them that the harder they

work

the more likely they would win. Had it not been for the belief, they would not

persevere

Wrong verb form

have persevered

show examples

in improvement,

get

Wrong verb form

gotten

show examples

through the extremely difficult times and

gain

Wrong verb form

gained

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

accomplishment. Turning on the drawbacks of the message, it creates unrealistic

expectations

: continuously telling children they can achieve anything through hard

work

may set unrealistic

expectations

, contributing to disappointment when they encounter insurmountable obstacles.

In addition

to hard

work

success

is a combination of factors,

such

as opportunities, luck and time.

Therefore

, not everything can be achieved by

efforts

Fix the agreement mistake

effort

show examples

For instance

image

Replace the word

imagine

show examples

a child who is passionately interested in becoming an astronaut, working tirelessly towards

this

dream with the belief that hard

work

alone will guarantee a place in space. Despite excellent grades and a strong

work

ethic, they might face unanticipated barriers like stringent physical requirements, highly competitive selection processes, or unforeseen health issues.

This

scenario exemplifies how nurturing the belief that hard

work

guarantees

success

can lead to unrealistic

expectations

, potentially setting the stage for significant disappointment when confronted with the complex realities of achieving

such

highly specific and competitive goals. In conclusion, telling the children they can achieve anything through hard

work

can build up their perseverance.

However

this

message

also

risks setting unrealistic

expectations

, ignoring the multifaceted nature of

success

Submitted by 609438328 on Sun Apr 07 2024

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Grammar

Be mindful of typos and slight grammatical inaccuracies (e.g., 'One of main advantages...') to enhance clarity and professionalism.

Sentence Variety

Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and engagement. Repetitive structures can make the essay seem monotonous.

Coherence

Try to provide a clearer distinction between each paragraph's main idea to improve the logical flow of the essay. Introducing subheadings or clearer transition phrases could aid in this.

Content

Your essay offers a balanced view on the topic, exploring both advantages and disadvantages effectively.

Example Use

You've included relevant examples to support your arguments, which makes your essay more convincing.

Conclusion

The conclusion nicely encapsulates your main points, effectively summarizing the advantages and disadvantages while reaffirming your position.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

320 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Encouragement
Motivation
Determination
Work Ethic
Persistence
Self-esteem
Confidence
Challenges
Unrealistic Expectations
Disappointment
Frustration
Limitations
External Factors
Pressure
Stress
Anxiety
Mental Health

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people believe that rich countries should provide poorer countries with other types of help rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Write about the following topic: Some people say it is important to keep your home and your workplace tidy, with everything organised and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

1. International travel is becoming cheaper than before, so more and more countries open their doors to tourists. Do the advantages of the increased tourism outweigh the disadvantages?

besity was once considered a disease of adults; however, it is becoming increasingly common among children. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done to help children stay healthy?

In many countries, people watch many foreign made television programs and Internet videos. The dominance of imported entertainment is harmful to the cultures of these countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?