In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this massage?

In some countries, kids are informed that they
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
achieve anything if they try their best. There are some benefits and drawbacks of
this
. One of
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
advantages is that it can cultivate children’s perseverance.
This
is because people often doubt themselves especially when they fail, and
then
give up early.
Hence
, understanding that effort can overcome obstacles
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
them to make persistent efforts, which may lead to the final
success
.
Furthermore
,
this
trait makes it possible for one’s future
accomplishment
Fix the agreement mistake
accomplishments
show examples
both in career and academics.
For example
, many world champions have trained hard since their youth as their coach stimulated them that the harder they
work
the more likely they would win. Had it not been for the belief, they would not
persevere
Wrong verb form
have persevered
show examples
in improvement,
get
Wrong verb form
gotten
show examples
through the extremely difficult times and
gain
Wrong verb form
gained
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accomplishment. Turning on the drawbacks of the message, it creates unrealistic
expectations
: continuously telling children they can achieve anything through hard
work
may set unrealistic
expectations
, contributing to disappointment when they encounter insurmountable obstacles.
In addition
to hard
work
,
success
is a combination of factors,
such
as opportunities, luck and time.
Therefore
, not everything can be achieved by
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
.
For instance
,
image
Replace the word
imagine
show examples
a child who is passionately interested in becoming an astronaut, working tirelessly towards
this
dream with the belief that hard
work
alone will guarantee a place in space. Despite excellent grades and a strong
work
ethic, they might face unanticipated barriers like stringent physical requirements, highly competitive selection processes, or unforeseen health issues.
This
scenario exemplifies how nurturing the belief that hard
work
guarantees
success
can lead to unrealistic
expectations
, potentially setting the stage for significant disappointment when confronted with the complex realities of achieving
such
highly specific and competitive goals. In conclusion, telling the children they can achieve anything through hard
work
can build up their perseverance.
However
,
this
message
also
risks setting unrealistic
expectations
, ignoring the multifaceted nature of
success
.
Submitted by 609438328 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Grammar
Be mindful of typos and slight grammatical inaccuracies (e.g., 'One of main advantages...') to enhance clarity and professionalism.
Sentence Variety
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and engagement. Repetitive structures can make the essay seem monotonous.
Coherence
Try to provide a clearer distinction between each paragraph's main idea to improve the logical flow of the essay. Introducing subheadings or clearer transition phrases could aid in this.
Content
Your essay offers a balanced view on the topic, exploring both advantages and disadvantages effectively.
Example Use
You've included relevant examples to support your arguments, which makes your essay more convincing.
Conclusion
The conclusion nicely encapsulates your main points, effectively summarizing the advantages and disadvantages while reaffirming your position.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Encouragement
  • Motivation
  • Determination
  • Work Ethic
  • Persistence
  • Self-esteem
  • Confidence
  • Challenges
  • Unrealistic Expectations
  • Disappointment
  • Frustration
  • Limitations
  • External Factors
  • Pressure
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Mental Health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: